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Frisbee-mail Index

10/28/04 - (Frisbee Incognito)

So you haven't heard anything from me for a while. That's because frisbee's gone underground. I can't talk too long because this line might be being traced. Suffice it to say that this Saturday at 3 pm we're going to play Ultimate Frisbee at Mill Run. If no one's there it's because we're watching the OSU game. So come over to my (parents') house and watch the end of the football game first. You can also feel free to come earlier and watch the whole game. The frisbee game will be over at 4:30 because then I'll be taking my sweaty self over to Rally Sunday rehearsal inside the church.

Hope to see you there.


This e-mail will self destruct in 5 seconds...

09/07/04 - Davidson Frisbee

Alright, here's the deal. Ultimate Frisbee is happening at Davidson every Friday after school from 3 to 4:30 on "Football Practice Field B." As far as I can figure that's as far away from the intersection of Davidson and Avery as you can get and still be on school property. So get excited. Tell your friends about it. If they're still not excited, tell them you'll give them candy if they get in the car.

Those of you not attending Hilliard Davidson High School are welcome to come. We're working on providing counterfeit student IDs for you. They may not be necessary, but as I say "Better a bad disguise than none at all. Even if they catch you, you can still pretend you're incredibly stupid and don't know what's going on." Kinda catchy, huh? I like how it rolls off the tongue. I'm looking into trademarking that one-liner.

Ultimate Frisbee this Friday at Davidson HS at 3 pm.
Weather: 75 degrees, 10% rain chance, 7 mph winds


08/26/04 - Akimbo

Akimbo is a fun word. It's almost an onomotopeia, but not. When things are all akimbo, they don't really make a specific sound, but if they did I bet it would sound a lot like akimbo. So the frisbee world is kind of akimbo right now so you'll have to pay particularly close attention to your e-mails until we settle into a concrete schedule for the year.

Come play frisbee this Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 83 degrees, 80 % rain chance, 9 mph winds

Whee! Rain!


08/19/04 - Send-off and New Beginnings

Hey, tomorrow is the last frisbee game for a while for several people who are heading off to college. So come out and make it a good one. Also, tomorrow may the beginning of a new wave of frisbee playing. There are some 7th graders who are looking to take up their roles as the new frisbeers. And I'm weighing the possibility of moving the Thursday at 4 game to Friday after school at Davidson. There'd still be a Saturday game for those of you not attending Davidson. Let me know if you have thoughts.


07/20/04 - Trusted Lieutenants

I need some lieutenants to assist with the Ultimate Frisbee endeaver. Atleast for the summer. I've partially tallied individual stats. I've posted a few pictures from 24-hour frisbee at http://www.ualc.org/templates/blankwh/details.asp?id=25587&PID=168372&mast= . But the e-mails have been pretty lacking recently and I haven't had time to put the stats up on the website yet.

So if these things are going to get done, I need some volunteers to...

Write a frisbee-mail.
Add up individual stats.
Send me pictures that you took on Frisbee Day.

For your amusement: At the bottom of the page linked to above, Aaron has prepared a nice slide show of those pictures.

We will be playing Frisbee again this week at 4 pm Thursday at Mill Run. A Saturday game will happen only if you behave yourselves.
Weather: 87 degrees, 30% rain chance, 12 mph winds


07/14/04 - Half Donkey E-mail

Well. I'm really late sending this. There's not much to this e-mail either. I'd have to go so far as to say that if this e-mail had a rear end, it would only be half there. Kind of an ugly sight. Especially on an e-mail.

No frisbee this week. Heal up for next week. Eventually I'll get individual stats posted for 24 hour frisbee. The overall score, after rechecking peoples' addition, was Little Boy 629 - Fat Man 624. Don't dwell so much on who won, but rather on the fact that the scores are double that of last year. Congrats to Jenn and Laura for a wonderful new stat system that made that doubled score possible.


07/07/04 - Music Swells

Just when the world is about to explode, or the bomb is about to go, or your hand is about to slip everything takes a deep breath. The frame-rate slows down and you can see the little hairs on the villains nose waving slowly back forth as he exhales. Perhaps the camera does a little matrix-like pivot around you, but you are blissfully unaware. This is what we call turbo mode, overdrive, adrenaline rush, nirvana. Nothing can touch you. You're invincible. (Or a looney, ala "The Black Knight always triumphs!")

There's utter silence now, but you can feel that at any moment the music is going to swell into waves of triumphant majesty as you unleash previously unheard of powers on your unsuspecting nemesis. Just look at him now - gloating in all his maniacal glee. He can't hear the music coming.

   "Why do you look out? Do you wish to see the greatness of our army? We are the fighting Uruk-hai."
   "I look out to see the dawn," said Aragorn.
   "What of the dawn?" they jeered. "We are the Uruk-hai: we do not stop the fight for night or day, for fair weather or for storm. We come to kill, by sun or moon. What of the dawn?"
   "None knows what the new day shall bring him," said Aragorn. "Get you gone, ere it turn to your evil."

Here it comes... are you ready?

Warm-up Frisbee game this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Frisbee Day Friday Noon to Saturday Noon. Bring your friends. No weather is going to stop us this time.


06/30/04 - Hectic

*BAM* That was all the things running around my head finally colliding with each other. It's a little less hectic now and hopefully after the dizziness wears off I can start directing traffic again.

I can't believe it. Next week is the big day. Again. It's going to be tough to gather people up again, so I need you all to pitch in. If I'm the only one recruiting, Frisbee Day is not going to happen. That's the simple truth. Let's make it happen.

Frisbeers: Katie Riddle at ******@hotmail.com
Statisticians: Laura Flamm and Jenn Traetow at ******@columbus.rr.com
Chaperones: Isaac Mann at ******@osu.edu
Food Providers: Darlene Dimitrovski at ******@columbus.rr.com

Also, come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 8 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 84 degrees, 10% rain chance, 7 mph winds
Saturday Weather: ~ 75 degrees, 30% rain chance, 8 mph winds


06/23/04 - VBS Kills All!

Aahhh! VBS kills all! Run for your lives! The rampaging VBS monster has swallowed our beloved Frisbee game. That's why this week and the last no one has been playing Frisbee at the usual time. I'm anticipating someone vanquishing the monster by next week though. So, plan on coming then.

Also, the official Frisbee Day re-schedule date is July 9th at noon to July 10th at noon. Please resign up.

Frisbeers: Katie Riddle at ******@hotmail.com
Statisticians: Laura Flamm and Jenn Traetow at ******@columbus.rr.com
Chaperones: Isaac Mann at ******@osu.edu
Food Providers: Darlene Dimitrovski at ******@columbus.rr.com

Remember, NO Frisbee games this week.


06/11/04 - Frisbee Day Postponed :-(

Woe! Woe! The ASCII frowney face is not enough to express the depth of my sorrow.

Frisbee Day has been postponed for the following reasons:

1. The field will very quickly be very muddy.
2. We will want to go inside because it's wet outside.
3. The inside of the church will very quickly be very muddy.
4. Lightning strikes will decide to target me today. And I don't want any of that.

We will still play a game from noon to perhaps 2ish. And most likely a night game at about 9 pm. (To use the flash flight. Whee!)

Stay tuned for the reschedule date. This will be after Student Venture Getaway and after Creation. Most likely end of June/beginning of July.


06/09/04 - We Band of Frisbeers

On the verge of battle... [err, frisbee game.]

This story shall the good man teach his son;
And [Frisbee day] shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd,

We few, we happy few, we band of [frisbeers];
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me (It'll happen, believe me.)
Shall be my [frisbeer]; be he ne'er so vile, (You'll be pretty vile after 24-hours of sweating.)
This day shall gentle his condition: (But no one will care because they smell too.)

And gentlemen in England now a-bed (because they're in a different time zone)
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here (They'll say "Curses!" in English accents. All at once.)
And hold their manhoods cheap while any speaks (Hehe. Curses in unison. It'll be great.)
That [frisbeed] with us upon [this Frisbee] day. (I'm stilling thinking about the curses thing. Hilarious.)

Frisbee Day starts this Friday at noon! Rock on! I would still appreciate sign-ups.
Frisbeers: ******@hotmail.com
Statisticians: ******@columbus.rr.com
Chaperones: ******@hotmail.com
Food: ******@columbus.rr.com

- Does anyone know people with left over graduation party food? E-mail Mrs. Dimitrovski with info please.
- People randomly showing up will be able to play, so feel free to invite your friends the day of. But remember overnight play requires a parent-signed note for anyone under 18.
- It looks like it's going to rain some of the time on Friday, so bring a change of clothes and a towel.

Warm-up game Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 78 degrees, 70% rain chance, 9 mph winds
Frisbee Day Weather: 75 degrees to 65 degrees to 86 degrees, 80% rain friday daytime to 20% rain saturday, 10 mph to 5 mph to 8 mph winds


06/01/04 - Wonder

My name is Professor Taylor and I study wonder. Researchers in my field have gotten rather a bad reputation. (Although this is probably not undeserved.) You see, my colleagues treat the study of as if it were the study of some chemical process or physical property. That is, when they come upon an object that evokes wonder, such as a cloud or a flower or a brisk morning walk, they proceed to force upon their senses many more objects of a similar type hoping to find what exactly it was about the original that made it so wonderful. This process does not lead to more wonder. Rather, it quickly moves from wonder to shock to intrigue to boredom to obsession to pain. Repetition, the foundation of scientific knowledge, destroys wonder.

My own research is an attempt to have a brief glimpse of everything, as if one had the attention span of a child. For this very reason children are experts on wonder. Most adults and almost all academians are of the practical mindset if not the stated belief that the world is a small place and with the proper amount of effort it can be fully explored and labeled. Children, however, believe their house to be huge and are always expecting to be confronted with some magnificent new sight when opening a door or walking around a corner.

That is why I, like the child, prefer to trip over a root while staring at the wonders around me rather than, like the scientist, miss the sunset while studying my feet.

Frisbee Day is coming up soon! June 11th at noon to June 12th at noon.
Sign up! And get your friends to sign up!
Frisbeers: ******@hotmail.com
Statisticians: ******@columbus.rr.com
Chaperones: ******@hotmail.com
Food: ******@columbus.rr.com

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 71 degrees, 10% rain chance, 12 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 78 degrees, 20% rain chance, 9 mph winds


05/25/04 - St. Augustine

"The good Christian should beware of mathematicians and all those who make empty prophecies. The danger already exists that the mathematicians have made a covenant with the devil to darken the spirit and to confine man in the bonds of Hell."
- St. Augustine

That's all I've got for creativity this week. Now on to more important things.

Frisbee Day! (formerly called 24-hour Frisbee)
June 11th-12th. That's Friday-Saturday. High noon to high noon.
At the church at Mill Run.
What will be there besides a Frisbee game? Construction lights to play through the night, food to keep you going, printed out Frisbee-mail Archive to keep you entertained, and whatever else you want to bring. E-mail me with suggestions.

So, we need people. We need you to find people. Tell your friends and neighbors and parents and relatives and random strangers to come help out. Here's the different jobs and who they should contact:

Must be willing to put forth effort. Talent not required.
Contact Katie Riddle at ******@hotmail.com
With times you'll be there and e-mail address so we can contact you.

Should enjoy watching Ultimate Frisbee and, uh, being statistical.
Contact Co-leaders Laura Flamm and Jenn Traetow at ******@columbus.rr.com
With times you'll be there and e-mail address so we can contact you.

Over 21. Know the 4 steps to putting out a flaming child.
Contact Christina Riddle at ******@hotmail.com
With times you're willing to be there and e-mail address so we can contact you.

Food Providers:
Be able to make/buy yummy food.
Contact Darlene Dimitrovski at [I just realised I don't have her e-mail address] (Phone 771-0568)
With type of food you're willing to donate.

So, sign up now. And get everyone else you know/don't know to sign up.

Also, anyone under 18 must have a parent signed note to be there between 11 pm and 6 am. And you're not allowed to leave during those hours unless you have a parent signed note. More details on this later.

I'm pumped!

Oh, and come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4pm and Saturday at 2pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 74 degrees, 10% rain chance, 10 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 82 degrees, 20% rain chance, 9 mph winds

(Look for my new Flashflight frisbee, coming soon! It'll be really cool...)


05/19/04 - Frisbee Rennaissance

It appears that Frisbee, like the great Roman Empire, is in a period of decline. It started with great promise and achieved mighty things, but people have grown complacent and the days of glory have passed. Weeks go by without a full game. Corruption is rampant among Frisbeers. (Um, by corruption I mean not showing up to play.)

What we need is a Renaissance. A Frisbee Renaissance.

We need a few great men to lead us into a new age, an enlightened age. An age of renewed vigour where both art and science flourish. But who will these great men be? Who will revitalise the fading dream that is Ultimate Frisbee?

Perhaps Philip Mendola will be our Leonardo da Vinci. And Erik Bobbitt our Galileo. Sam Weiant will be Magellan and John Huoy, William Shakespeare. Aaron Bruns could be Sir Walter Raleigh, who no one remembers but is still on the list for some reason. Nate Lundquist is Martin Luther and John Ringle is Machiavelli and they have great arguments. Dustin Heveron and Jared Heveron could be Donatello and Michaelangelo. And to finish off the Ninja Turtles Jason Kientz should be Raphael.

Just think of it! A new beginning. A fresh start. Rebirth! You are the pillars of society that will be written about in your children's history books.

Moral: Change the world. Come to Frisbee. Bring your friends.

Frisbee this week will be at 4 pm on Thursday and 2 pm on Saturday at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 83 degrees, 70% rain chance, 8 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 85 degrees, 30% rain chance, 8 mph winds


05/11/04 - Great Acts of Kindness

I was eating Mark Pi's today for lunch, enjoying hot summerness of the day, when I was fool enough to take a glimpse at my own destiny by opening a fortune cookie. It read:

"Great acts of kindness will befall you in the next few months."

Needless to say, this conjured frightening images in my mind. Let me share a few with you.

1. Out of concern for my well-being, the government will decide to keep all the money I earn until I retire.
2. For the broadening of my mind, Ohio State will require that I spend an extra two years at college fulfilling recently added "diversity" requirements.
3. Because they care, all the cattle ranchers in Ohio will provide for my fertilizer needs by making weekly deposits of cow excrement on my doorstep.
4. In an astonishing act of beneficence, my doctor will decide to assist me in my weight-loss program by proceeding to amputate my left leg.
5. My parents will decide to help me free up my schedule and reduce my workload by imposing a rule that I never play frisbee again.

Now you understand why, upon reading this fortune, my first instinct was to run for the hills. There, I presume, I would happen upon a tribe of savages that would proceed to free my soul from the prison of this body by ritually eating my still beating heart. What nice guys.

Moral: Don't mess with fate. She fights back.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm.
Thursday Weather: 75 degrees, 60% rain chance, 12 mph winds (whee!)
Saturday Weather: 76 degrees, 30% rain chance, 12 mph winds


05/04/04 - Give Isaac Presents Day

Last night I dreamt it was Christmas morning. Everyone was all glowing and happy and people were gathered around the tree. We were getting ready to open presents and I had this terrible sinking feeling. I knew there was something wrong, something I had forgotten. People were opening their presents and laughing, and I was hiding in the corner as slowly it dawned on me that I had forgotten to buy any presents. I was certain that somebody would notice, and ask me where my presents were. Someone came over to give me a present and I must have visibly shuddered because I didn't want any attention drawn to me. But we finished the present opening and no one commented. No condemnation. No hurt looks. But I was miserable.

Now I want you all to remember that feeling when Thursday rolls around. Thursday, for those of you who don't know, in addition to being the National Day of Prayer is also Give Isaac Presents Day. Imagine how you would feel if you were the only person not giving me a present. I'm just looking out for your own good here. Buy me a present, it'll make you feel much better.

[Shamelessly playing on others' emotions for my own benefit. I love it!]

On a brighter note, 24 hour frisbee is coming up soon! Two things to say about that:
1. The start time will either be Friday June 13th, at high noon (To ward off the evilness of Friday the 13th.) or Wednesday June 11th at 5 pm. Wednesday is better for Hilliard Davidson Marching Band members who will be leaving Thursday for Florida. Friday is better for OSU people who might have exams on Thursday. So, let me know which day you prefer and why.

2. Applications are now being accepted for the 24-hour Frisbee Administrative Team. Let me know if you would like to help organise some part of the ordeal. Areas to be organised: Food donations, Frisbeer sign ups, revamp stat keeping system, Statistician sign ups, Adult chaperone sign-ups.

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 80 degrees, no rain, 13 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 81 degrees, 20% rain chance, 13 mph winds


Ok, so my calendar dates got rather screwed up. Apparently the Friday after school lets out is the 11th and the Wednesday is the 9th. The Davidson marching band leaves on Wednesday and UA has school through Thursday, so neither of them could do the Wednesday date anyway. So, 24 hour frisbee will officially start on Friday the 11th (of June) at high noon. Hopefully college folks will hang around long enough to play.


04/27/04 - A Letter Home

Crawling through the long abandoned storage tunnels of the world wide web, I stumbled across this letter, written in 1942 by a soldier to his girl back home. You might ask how a hand-written letter from the 1940s managed to be stored in abandoned world wide web storage and how I came to be crawling through and what exactly the world wide web is doing with storage tunnels one can crawl through. I might pretend you didn't ask.

My Dear Louise,
   I got your letter and I cannot tell you how much it has lifted my spirits. The guys are always jealous when your letters arrive. Some of them have sweeties, but they don't seem to write like you. Sometimes, after I read through the letter and there's nothing specially personal, I'll pass it around so they all can remember a little bit of back home.
   The weather has been awful hot this whole week. Sarge says that we may have to start rationing water if this heat wave keeps up. I can only hope God sees fit to send a rain cloud our way before it comes to that.
   Tell your Pa and little Jimmy we're going fishing first thing when I get back. Maybe after I've had some of your blueberry pie. Oh, and tell Jimmy that just because I'm not there to whoop him doesn't mean he can stop going to Frisbee on Thursdays.

Affectionately yours,

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 76 degrees, 10% rain chance, 16 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 67 degrees, 30% rain chance, 12 mph winds


04/27/04 (again?) - Temporal Storms

I don't have much time, but you have all the time in the world, that is, until last Thursday, or my last Thursday - your coming Thursday, but it might end up being your last Thursday too. Sorry, let me begin again. But read carefully, I won't be able to repeat myself.

I'm writing to you from next Tuesday. You must believe me - look at the send date on your e-mail, if you don't believe me. I'm writing to warn you. You may not be able to stop it, but at least you can make some preparations. I think it started with either the aliens or the samurai, although Kemp is still convinced that it was a CIA project gone horribly wrong. In any case, we do know this: On Thursday, April 22nd, reality as we know it was shattered. Space and time became fused and the world began to fall apart. Aliens, we presume from the future, were fighting ancient Japanese samurai, who had somewhere obtained particle beam swords and power armor. That was when there were still spurts of linear time progression. Now everything is a swirl of inconsistent images, drifting forwards and backwards in time.

I have retreated to Frisbee Central, the last visible shred of sanity, and I can only hope that it is not consumed before I finish sending you this warning. My glass of water just morphed into a coconut half filled with a burning liquid and then into a steel juice box shape, complete with straw, covered with indecipherable writing. Oh, man. As my roommate, Brad, used to say (before he was eviscerated by a fire-hydrant-turned-laser-beam), "I hate time travel."

I don't know what you can do, I can only give you warning.

Come play frisbee Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 66 degrees, 10% rain chance, 12 mph winds (And temporal storms.)
Saturday I will be at a Campus Crusade retreat. Organise your own game.


04/13/04 - Tron Building Hopping

Today on my way to and from classes, I engaged in a very popular game on the Ohio State campus called Building Hopping. Basically the game is where you try to spend as little time outside in the rain as possible on your way to wherever you're going. To do this you go from building to building, walking in one door and out another door on the far side. Not only does this avoid wetness, it also gives you a pretty thorough knowledge of the layout of buildings on campus.

Ok, so I started thinking about Building Hopping, trying to apply it to frisbee in some way, and I came up with this: Tron Building Hopping. This combines two exciting games into one more exciting game.

Tron is a game derived from the movie Tron in which combatants each have a frisbee which they throw at each other. You can block with your own frisbee or dodge. If you get hit in the leg or arm, that appendage is rendered useless. A body or headshot kills you. In the Tron movie, the discs would come flying back to whoever threw them, but that's a little difficult to implement in real life.

So, to make the returning discs thing work, we make Tron Building Hopping a video game. Imagine a map like a first person shooter map with say 10 buildings or so of different layouts. And players in the game charging around with their discs attacking each other. No one would want to stay in between buildings for long because of the ease with which someone could pick them off from the roofs. So you'd have everyone hopping from building to building fighting other guys. You could play with teams or in a free for all. As an option you could make walls of buildings able to be destroyed by a hit or several hits with a disc. That'd be cool.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 60 degrees, 7 mph winds, no rain
Saturday Weather: 71 degrees, 10 mph winds, 20% chance of rain


04/07/04 - Not for the Faint of Heart

As the sun was rising this morning, so was I. Very slowly, with my eyes only half-cracked. I stumble out of bed, throw on my trusty chartreuse pants and pull a long sleeve shirt over the t-shirt I'd slept in. Walking out of the bedroom, I brush my hand against the doorframe and the sharp pain that ensues reminds me of the infected finger that I've been meaning to work on. I know, I'll use Melanie's needles this morning before we go running. This is an extremely clever thought, given that at that very moment I'm trying to put my left shoe on my right foot.

Somehow I manage to meander my way the 100 meters to Melanie's dorm. She opens the door and is her usual bright and perky self. As I shuffle in, I mumble something to the effect of "Do you have any needles?"

This is where I should inform the readers a lit bit of the mom-approved technique for caring for infected fingers. When a finger is infected, you know because that finger becomes roughly twice the size it should be. The germs and antibodies duke it out in your finger and the dead bodies have nowhere to go because your skin is doing its job - that is, making sure things inside your body stay inside your body. So the way to fix the swollen painfulness is to break the skin and get the casualties of war (commonly known as puss) out of the infected area. This is where you take a sharp, pointy needle and jab it into yourself (also known as lancing a wound). Then squeeze the exact spot that hurts when you touch it so that the puss will come out. This is a daunting task at any time and, given that I had just woken up and had not eaten anything, I was not exactly in top shape.

So, in Melanie's bathroom, I go to work. The first jab isn't deep enough and nothing comes out when I squeeze. Same with the second. The third jab goes far enough in that the needle goes through the dead skin and actually hurts me so I know it's deep enough. I'm determined not to have to do a fourth jab. So I start squeezing harder than before. I'm not entirely sure of the order of the next few events, but they all happened at some time. The squeezing is effective and puss starts to ooze out of the needle hole. I get a funny throbbing feeling in my head. The room starts to twist a little bit and the sink is quickly pushing up into me.

There's throbbing for a while. I may have had several dreams, I'm not sure. And the next day I wake up on Melanie's bathroom floor with her arm behind my head. She's saying something to me along the lines of "Isaac. Isaac, are you ok?"

So that's it. I swooned and my girlfriend caught me. Talk about role reversal. Afterwards she gave me food and I finished squeezing the puss out of my finger. There is one redeeming factor for the embarassment of having a girl catch me when I fainted, it's not every day I get to wake up in the arms of a beautiful girl.

So come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 60 degrees, 10% rain chance, 11 mph winds (<---- Awesome weather!)
Saturday Weather: 40 degrees, 30% rain chance, 12 mph winds (maybe inside)

So come on Thursday!


03/30/04 - Seriously

In previous e-mails I've extolled the virtues of Ultimate Frisbee, claiming, largely without evidence, that it was the sport that Greek gods played on Mt. Olympus or the best expression of grace and strength yet known to man or utterly superior to anything else anyone could be doing at any given time. Mostly this was for comic effect. This week, however, I wish to explain seriously that integral part of Frisbee which makes it great. That is, the fact that it is not serious.

The moment Ultimate Frisbee is taken seriously it will go the way of Baseball, Football, Soccer and all the other mainstream sports out there - out of the backyard and onto the television. The wonderful thing about Frisbee is that someone who is good at Frisbee is regarded as no better of a person than anyone else. The professional football player, however, is respected by the entire nation for being able to knock another guy down. How ridiculous would it be to gain accolades for being able to throw a suped-up pie pan? Frisbee is great because it is more like dodgeball than football. People care enough to play, rarely care enough to cheat, and never care enough to work at it. Which is exactly how any game should be treated - as something to play.

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 47 degrees, 60% rain chance, 17 mph winds (inside)
Saturday Weather: 49 degrees, 30% rain chance, 9 mph winds (try for outside)


03/25/04 - I Am Zorg

I am Zorg! You will all fear me. Tremble and despair, for I am Zorg. Fear, I said. Fear! Zorg will destroy you all. I, Zorg, will crush your puny defenses with one swipe of my hand. Doom is imminent. Flee the might of Zorg. Flee like a flea or a flounder or a flourescent flamingo. I am Zorg.

Come play Ultimate Frisbee Thursday at 3 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 64 degrees, 50% rain chance, 13 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 70 degrees, 30% rain chance, 6 mph winds


03/17/04 - Let Go

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And with three smacks of the head on the keyboard, we're off! After holding on for so long, fighting back the pressure, straining against the tide, everything breaks loose. Like that moment on a slide when you go from slowly easing forward to falling out of control. Air exploding from your lungs after a long held breath.

Slip into free fall. Let go. Scream or sigh or sneeze, but let it out. What a feeling.

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run. (Saturday I'll be out of town.)
Thursday Weather: 39 degrees, 30% rain chance, 7 mph winds


03/09/04 - Cheese

This week, I have invited a guest writer to do the frisbee-mail. It's rather long because he is quite passionate on the subject, but nonetheless I would consider this e-mail among the best that have been produced. So, please turn your full attention to G.K. Chesterton and his rousing discourse on the topic of cheese.

My forthcoming work in five volumes, `The Neglect of Cheese in European Literature,' is a work of such unprecedented and laborious detail that it is doubtful whether I shall live to finish it. Some overflowings from such a fountain of information may therefore be permitted to springle these pages. I cannot yet wholly explain the neglect to which I refer. Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. Virgil, if I remember right, refers to it several times, but with too much Roman restraint. He does not let himself go on cheese. The only other poet that I can think of just now who seems to have had some sensibility on the point was the nameless author of the nursery rhyme which says: `If all the trees were bread and cheese' - which is indeed a rich and gigantic vision of the higher gluttony. If all the trees were bread and cheese there would be considerable deforestation in any part of England where I was living. Wild and wide woodlands would reel and fade before me as rapidly as they ran after Orpheus. Except Virgil and this anonymous rhymer, I can recall no verse about cheese. Yet it has every quality which we require in an exalted poetry. It is a short, strong word; it rhymes to `breeze' and `seas' (an essential point); that it is emphatic in sound is admitted even by the civilization of the modern cities. For their citizens, with no apparent intention except emphasis, will often say `Cheese it!' or even `Quite the cheese.' The substance itself is imaginative. It is ancient - sometimes in the individual case, always in the type and custom. It is simple, being directly derived from milk, which is one of the ancestral drinks, not lightly to be corrupted with soda-water. You know, I hope (though I myself have only just thought of it), that the four rivers of Eden were milk, water, wine, and ale. Aerated waters only appeared after the Fall.

But cheese has another quality, which is also the very soul of song. Once in endeavouring to lecture in several places at once, I made an eccentric journey across England, a journey of so irregular and even illogical shape that it necessitated my having lunch on four successive days in four roadside inns in four different counties. In each inn they had nothing but bread and cheese; nor can I imagine why a man should want more than bread and cheese, if he can get enough of it. In each inn the cheese was good; and in each inn it was different. There was a noble Wensleydale cheese in Yorkshire, a Cheshire cheese in Cheshire, and so on. Now, it is just here that true poetic civilization differs from that paltry and mechanical civilization that holds us all in bondage. Bad customs are universal and rigid, like modern militarism. Good customs are universal and varied, like native chivalry and self-defence. Both the good and the bad civilization cover us as with a canopy, and protect us from all that is outside. But a good civilization spreads over us freely like a tree, varying and yielding because it is alive. A bad civilization stands up and sticks out above us like an umbrella - artificial, mathematical in shape; not merely universal, but uniform. So it is with the contrast between the substances that vary and the substances that are the same wherever they penetrate. By a wise doom of heaven men were commanded to eat cheese, but not the same cheese. Being really universal it varies from valley to valley. But if, let us say, we compare cheese to soap (that vastly inferior substance), we shall see that soap tends more and more to be merely Smith's Soap or Brown's Soap, sent automatically all over the world. If the Red Indians have soap it is Smith's Soap. If the Grand Lama has soap it is Brown's Soap. There is nothing subtly and strangely Buddhist, nothing tenderly Tibetan, about his soap. I fancy the Grand Lama does not eat cheese (he is not worthy), but if he does it is probably a local cheese, having some real relation to his life and outlook. Safety matches, tinned foods, patent medicines are sent all over the world; but they are not produced all over the world. Therefore there is in them a mere dead identity, never that soft play of variation which exists in things produced everywhere out of the soil, in the milk of the kine, or the fruits of the orchard. You can get a whisky and soda at every outpost of the Empire: that is why so many Empire builders go mad. But you are not tasting or touching any environment, as in the cider of Devonshire or the grapes of the Rhine. You are not approaching Nature in one of her myriad tints of mood, as in the holy act of eating cheese.

When I had done my pilgrimage in the four wayside public-houses I reached one of the great northern cities, and there I proceeded, with great rapidity and complete inconsistency, to a large and elaborate restaurant, where I knew I could get a great many things besides bread and cheese. I could get that also, however; or at least I expected to get it; but I was sharply reminded that I had entered Babylon, and left England behind. The waiter brought me cheese, indeed, but cheese cut up into contemptibly small pieces; and it is the awful fact that instead of Christian bread, he brought me biscuits. Biscuits - to one who had eaten the cheese of four great countrysides! Biscuits - to one who had proved anew for himself the sanctity of the ancient wedding between cheese and bread! I addressed the waiter in warm and moving terms. I asked him who he was that he should put asunder those whom Humanity had joined. I asked him if he did not feel, as an artist, that a solid but yielding substance like cheese went naturally with a solid, yielding substance like bread; to eat it off biscuits is like eating it off slates. I asked him if, when he said his prayers, he was so supercilious as to pray for his daily biscuits. He gave me generally to understand that he was only obeying a custom of Modern Society. I have therefore resolved to raise my voice, not against the waiter, but against Modern Society, for this huge and unparalleled modern wrong.

Bring some cheese to Frisbee this week. Wonderful, glorious cheese.
We're playing Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm.
Thursday Weather: 42 degrees, 50% rain chance, 15 mph winds (perhaps inside)
Saturday Weather: 51 degrees, 10% rain chance, 15 mph winds (hopefully outside)


03/02/04 - Animated Violence

There's nothing quite as soothing as the sound of animated violence in the morning. A nice anvil clonking on the head sound, and the subsequent twittering of little birds that magically appear to fly around the victim's head. Or the repeated "blee-eh!" of little minions of darkness exploding or being impaled or mangled in various ways. Splotches of cartoon blood littering the landscape, all but numbing us to the massive violence involved. Or even better, the sound of seemingly normal human beings inexplicably exploding or simple evaporating instead of gushing blood and slowly bleeding to death. (After all, this is a kids show and we want to indoctrinate kids to think that people don't bleed and die, they simply aren't there any more. Or maybe they just go to live on King Kai's planet and get fun little halo things floating over their heads.)

Ah, yes.

It's therapeutic, really. It helps us get rid of all this pent up anger. It's for when we can't really make our enemies evaporate into clouds of grey smoke, but we sure wish we could.

So, when we're playing frisbee, if Erik (aka KGB Agent Bobberkoff) screams and is consumed in a blue flame or Chris explodes into robot parts, just remember that it's only a game and has no bearing on reality.

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm.
Thursday Weather: 59 degrees, 40% rain chance, 10 mph winds (outside, pray for rain)
Saturday Weather: 51 degrees, 30% rain chance, 11 mph winds (also outside)


02/25/04 - Three Friends

I have three friends. We'll call them One, Two and Three. One is a writer, Two is a procrastinator and Three is a frisbeer. They get to talking and they decide to have a friendly competition to see who is better at their individual specialties. Each friend will have a day to demonstrate to the others their capabilities and then they all will decide at the end which of them won the competition. To make things fair, they decide to let Two go first, since it takes him the longest to do anything.

Strangely enough, just before the competition, each of the competitors came down with a violent flu and asked me to fill in for them. Always willing to help out a friend, I agreed.

And that's why on Two's day I procrastinated, on One's day I'm finally writing this and on Three's day we'll play frisbee.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 44 degrees, no rain, 9 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 52 degrees, 10% rain chance, 10 mph winds
(both will be outside, unless there are unforeseen circumstances)


Some of you were curious as to who won the competition. I thought it was pretty obvious, so I didn't say. Abraham Lincoln did, of course! Lincoln beats all!

On a sidenote, the Saturday game will be at 4 pm, not 2. Just fyi.


02/17/04 - Holding on for Thursday

On their upcoming release, Dustin and Jason will be including a very exciting song and you have the chance to get a pre-release look at the lyrics. (Fine print: This is still in draft form, Dustin and Jason (inc) are not bound to ever release anything, much less something with these lyrics. In fact, many of us are wondering if they'll ever get around to any sort of music writing.)

Holding on for Thursday

When the week is long and you can't cope
and life gives you no reason to hope -
"What's the point?" says your friend Shem,
Address the world and you tell them

You're holding on for Thursday
when all your cares will fade away
and all you'll have to do is play
Frisbee! on a warm and sunny Thursday.

Students trapped with a man teaching math,
their eyes propped open to avoid his wrath.
He thinks they're longing for the week's end
but spit is drying on their cheeks and

They're holding on for Thursday
when all their cares will fade away
and all they'll have to do is play
Frisbee! on an extra-curricular Thursday.

Back in the winter of seventy-two,
the town of Heraldo was frozen straight through.
The people all longed for a margin of heat
But frisbees could fly swiftly and fleet

I was holding on for Thursday
when all my cares would fade away
and all I'd have to do was play
Frisbee! on an arctic weather Thursday.

So just hold on! Please, man!
Hold on! Do it for Thursday!
Come on, hold on for Thursday!
It's coming soon, hold on!
(and trail off)

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 46 degrees, 10% rain chance, 13 mph winds (definite outside)
Saturday Weather: 43 degrees, 30% rain chance, 14 mph winds (probably outside)


02/11/04 - Paneling Mode

Bob's still in paneling mode.

Who's in paneling mode? You're in paneling mode!

What? You're a paneling mode. Your mom's a paneling mode.

If a panel were to fall off and shatter on your head could that conceivable cause a rift in time and space such that you were permanantly frozen in paneling mode?

Is panel-face an insult or a compliment? Or just weird?

Why do people think that by having three to six would-be carpenters sit in a row in front of them, they'll suddenly be much better able to handle life's problems?

I think I might still be in paneling mode.

Ooh, oh... let's go side a house, up to the highest heights... and send it paneling, oh let's go... paneling!

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 36 degrees, 20% rain chance, 11 mph winds (probably still inside, but we're getting close)
Saturday Weather: 34 degrees, 30% rain chance, 20 mph winds (bring a date, or if you don't have one bring dustin a valentine cause he doesn't have one either)


02/04/04 - Poultry Science, the Spotdark, and Simple Questions of Weight Ratios

Poultry Science, the Spotdark, and Simple Questions of Weight Ratios

Poultry Science:
Roy Bobbitt was giving me a ride from campus to meet with a few Davidson Cross Country guys yesterday, and we happened past the poultry science department building. Roy made the comment that it seems like you could learn everything there is to know about poultry science in two classes. So why the need for a separate department? My conjecture is this: poultry science covers a lot more than people generally think. Not only does it deal with the raising of chickens for meat and eggs and pets, but also (and this is kept under tight wraps by the OSU administration) it does research into creating man-chicken super soldiers! The poultry science department building was run down with several broken windows, which leads me to believe that an experiment went terribly wrong and the first man-chicken super soldier ever created broke free, killed all the professors and TA's in the building, pecked out some windows, and escaped into the wild (also known as South Campus).

The Spotdark:
I have to give credit to the folks at Student Venture, in particular Leslie Weiant, for inspiring this one. Leslie was sick and couldn't be close to any of the other people but was still around because Venture meets at her house. So she was sitting in a room by herself telling everyone to talk to her from a distance. And it seemed to me as if a cloud of darkness was eminating from where she sat. This is what triggered this novel idea.
What if instead of having a spotlight, you had a spot dark? A device that instead of shining light, shone darkness in a steady beam. Then you could play with the spotdark by fixing it on someone and following them around with it, thus making them terribly depressed. Wouldn't that be great?

Simple Questions of Weight Ratios:
Credit for this one again goes to Roy. When talking to the Cross Country runners, he made the comment that cross country really shouldn't be about just how fast you run. It should be about efficiency in running, that is, you should be judged on your time to pounds ratio, not just your time. Judging by this standard, Roy who ran a 5k in 30 minutes at 240 pounds was handily beating all the guys who ran the same distance in 17 minutes at 120 pounds.
What if you took this same concept and applied it to frisbee by determining the victor by the combined weight of the team to goals ratio. Or even, the goals to number of people allowed to sub in ratio. By either of these standards we would have one the OSU frisbee tournament round against the intra-mural team. I'm not still bitter about that. Not at all.

If Roy Bobbitt and the man-chicken super soldier were on a frisbee team against any of the usual crew, they would have a decided advantage in the combined weight of the team to goals competition. The only way to possibly defeat them would be to shine a spotdark on the man-chicken super soldier, thus making him terribly depressed. And, due to errors in his brainwashing, this would cause him to spontaneously combust, providing us all with free chicken fingers.

Come play ultimate frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 31 degrees, 60% ice/snow chance, 13 mph winds (most likely inside)
Saturday Weather: 31 degrees, 40% snow chance, 17 mph winds (inside)


01/21/04 - Trespassers Welcome

"Trespassers Welcome," says an old beat-up sign next to an old beat-up house. Judging from the surrounding neighborhood, however, the place looks positively grand. Several houses have broken windows; a few have doors hanging off hinges; and all give the distinct impression that there is no one who cares enough, or is capable enough to keep them in good repair. A band of children, probably in middle school - rather, they probably should be in middle school right at this moment, strolls around from the back of the house and out into the street. A mangy old dog sleeps in the dried grass of the front lawn, occasionally giving a half-hearted bark to passers-by. And taped neatly on the front door is a note reading, "Don't knock - just holler as you come in."

Inside is a room with a couple couches and a recliner. Occupying the recliner is a heap of a man - slouched over in a position that he shows no signs of moving from. A faint whiff of odor drifts from that corner of the room and it is difficult to distinguish whether it comes from the chair or the man.

So I'm out of descriptive stuff. But what do you think? What if you always left your door unlocked, and announced it to everyone who cared? Made it so that everyone in the neighborhood knew you were quite willing to have anyone in your house? People might steal things, sure. But if the stuff was never yours to keep anyway... How much stuff being stolen is worth saving a few people from being lonely, being lost, being damned? How many encounters with violent trespassers is worth helping one wayward soul? What do you think? Seriously.

So come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 4 pm at Mill Run. (Trespassers are welcome.)
Thursday Weather: 22 degrees, 30% snow chance, 25 mph winds (inside)
Saturday Weather: 31 degrees, 30% snow chance, 11 mph winds (probably also inside)


01/13/04 - Sports Bar

As we pass by, a 10 pound bowling ball calls out a rather lewd comment to a beach ball waitressing tables across the room. A hockey puck continues a long string of mild explitives and leans heavily on the bar. A koosh ball sits at a table all alone and stares blankly at the wall.

"But you must admit, there is a certain je-ne-sais-quoi about the whole thing. I mean finding an aerobie in the same room as a genuine Wham-O. Just preposterous."

This from a booth near the back of the establishment where two frisbees are engaged in a lively dialogue. Intrigued, we stray a little closer to the booth.

"And it's just that sort of comment that shows how little you know of the world. You've been sheltered in that upper class madhouse that you call a nobler community for far too long. If you ventured into the world outside half as much as I do you'd see things that would that silly incident look common place."

The first frisbee, rather taken aback by these words responds, "Oh, but I do have outings away from The Village. Why, just last week Fitzgerald and I went down to the greens on 23rd to see how they measure up to our own."

The second frisbee, evidently the more experienced in the ways of the world, merely chuckles. "That hardly counts as an excursion into the dangerous unknown. I'm sure you thought of it as such, but 23rd is just as much of a fantasy world as the place you've absorbed yourself."

"I should say it is not! As I was going to say, Fitzgerald noticed that groundskeeping is quite a bit more shoddy than ours and I remarked that there seemed to be a certain odour about the place that made it quite impossible to concentrate on anything very fully."

"But you miss the entire point! I was not referring to the diligence of the staff. I'm talking of places that have no servants to make sure everything is to you liking. I'm talking of a place that's not fenced in and hedged with no guard at the gate..."

Distracted by a shout from the door, we push by an over-pumped playground ball towards the back door.

This is my official apology for recent frisbee-mails that have had nothing to do with frisbee. Nor have they been funny. I figured, what better way to redeem myself than to incorporate personified frisbees in this week's e-mail. So there you have it.

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm.
Thursday Weather: 22 degrees, 10% snow chance, 12 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 44 degrees, 10% rain chance, 12 mph winds

It's a shame I won't be able to make it Saturday, but you guys should take advantage of the higher temperature by playing in my absence.


01/07/04 - Traces of Dreams

Have you ever stopped to look around? Look at all the things around you. At the relics and loose ends and traces of things that once were or could have been or were only dreamed about. Half-finished thoughts that were never picked up again. A bike helmet to a stolen bike. A broken toy gun. A cookie tin long emptied of cookies.

At first there's a renewed sense of urgency. A desire to pick up where you left off, to restore these dead things to life. But there are too many, and most have gone beyond repair. Just tatters blowing in the wind. And you have a new world now. You must set down other things to dust these off. And you make relics to restore relics.

And once again, two roads diverged. One of the deepest sorrows of life is this forced condemnation of dreams. Which one will you keep?

And then its time to leave this forsaken place, this graveyard of hopes. No one should be there long. But everyone should visit from time to time. As a reminder that many hopes die out. In memory of those that pulsed with life greater than themselves - for a time. And to inspire a new and greater dream: that there will come a time when you can travel both, when hopes need not die, when tattered dreams will be resown.

For now, there is still the choice. Are you coming to frisbee, or not?
This Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: Heated church.
Saturday Weather: 36 degrees, 20% rain chance, 9 mph winds (possibly inside)


12/16/03 - Endurance in Hope

Tonight is time for Return of the King to "show it's quality - the very finest." In honor of a movie I'm expecting to be excellent, I'll describe one reason why I find the books so incredible. There's a theme running throughout the books, from beginning to end, in every culture, from the highest class to the lowest class - "endurance in hope." Or maybe even endurance without hope. But listen, and be "wounded with [these] sweet words."

Of course, it is likely enough, my friends, that we are going to our doom: the last march of the Ents. But if we stayed at home and did nothing, doom would find us anyway, sooner or later. That thought has long been growing in our hearts; and that is why we are marching now. It was not a hasty resolve. Now at least the last march of the Ents may be worth a song. Aye, we may help the other peoples before we pass away. Still, I should have liked to see the songs come true about the Entwives. I should dearly have liked to see Fimbrethil again. But there, my friends, songs like trees bear fruit only in their own time and their own way: and sometimes they are withered untimely.
- Treebeard

I have no help to send, therefore I must go myself.
- Aragorn

The brave things in the old tales and songs, Mr. Frodo: adventures, as I used to call them. I used to think that they were things the wonderful folk of the stories went out and looked for, because they wanted them, because
they were exciting and life was a bit dull, a kind of a sport, as you might say. But that's not the way of it with the tales that really mattered, or the ones that stay in the mind. Folk seem to have been just landed in them, usually - their paths were laid that way, as you put it. But I expect they had lots of chances, like us, of turning back, only they didn't. ... We hear about those as just went on - and not all to a good end, mind you; at least not to what folk inside a story and not outside it call a good end. ... I wonder what sort of tale we've fallen into?
- Sam

She should not die so fair, so desperate. At least, she should not die alone.
- Merry

"We must walk open-eyed into that trap, with courage, but small hope for us. For, my lords, it may well prove that we ourselves shall perish utterly in a black battle far from the living lands; so that even if Barad-dur be thrown down, we shall not live to see a new age. But this, I deem our duty. And better so than to perish nonetheless ­ as we surely shall, if we sit here ­and know as we die that no new age shall be."
- Gandalf

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm.
Thursday Weather: 31 degrees, 20% snow chance, 15 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 39 degrees, 30% rain/snow chance, 14 mph winds
(both will have to be outside because of Dinner Theater stuff inside)


And one more quote:
In western lands beneath the Sun
the flowers may rise in Spring,
the trees may bud, the waters run,
the merry finches sing,
Or there maybe 'tis cloudless night
and swaying beeches bear
the Elven-stars as jewels white
amid their branching hair.

Though here at journey's end I lie
in darkness buried deep,
beyond all towers strong and high,
beyond all mountains steep,
above all shadows rides the Sun
and Stars for ever dwell:
I will not say the Day is done,
nor bid the Stars farewell.

- Sam in Cirith Ungol

12/10/03 - Standard Procedure

In keeping with my standard procedure for this week, I'm sending out this frisbee-mail at the last possible minute. One might even call it late. But I'd be willing to argue for a long time, long enough that any sane professor of The Ohio State University would decide that it wasn't worth arguing any more, that I was not in fact "late" as some understand lateness. But rather that I was within - marginally, but still within - the given time.

My motto has been: "Why start sooner when it's not due until later?"

Some may say that I'll see negative repercussions for this motto when I get my grades back, but that's all in the "later" category and right now, frisbee central is fat and happy at its new home base at, well, home. So this e-mail isn't so much witty or funny as it is a piece drivel squeezed from what finals left behind. (Which is interesting considering the lack of effort I put into the finals...)

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm.
Thursday Weather: 34 degrees, 30% snow chance, 23 mph winds (inside or football)
Saturday Weather: 33 degrees, 10% snow chance, 6 mph winds (hopefully outside)


12/03/03 - Recycling

I'm low on ideas, so I've decided to blatantly recycle something I wrote a long while ago. This was pre-frisbee-mails, so I can rationalise the reuse somewhat. And hopefully those of you who got it the first go around will have forgotten it enough to laugh again.

Anti-Chain Chain E-mail

Please don't be offended if I don't send you back that Fwd: FW: Fwd: FWD:
Forward: E-mail. It doesn't mean that I'm not your friend. On the
contrary, in an attempt to save you from the five wasted seconds of
scrolling through tons of >>>>>>>>>>>>'s, I'm attempting to be a true

Now that you have wasted ten seconds reading this pointless e-mail, send it
to all of your friends. Show them what a real friend is by sending them a
hypocritical anti-chain chain e-mail. Together, we can send a powerful
message to all chain letter senders. If you send this e-mail to 35 other
people and then do a handstand on your roof...

you'll probably hurt yourself. No, seriously, send this to 10 other people
and then press the shift key and you will be able to type in CAPITAL letters
for as long as you hold down the shift key.

Oh! I almost forgot! I'm supposed to write something warm and fuzzy and
either patriotic or in some way saving the whales so that you feel like a
complete scumbag if you don't send this to at least one entire continent.
Here it is, prepare to feel a stab of guilt!

I love my mommy.

You should to. Send this e-mail to all of South America
or you hate your mommy! Don't hate your mommy, you scumbag!!

I can't believe you haven't forwarded this e-mail yet! That's it! South
America and three Pacific Islands! Mommy-hater!

Disclaimer: No Pacific Islanders were harmed in the writing of this e-mail.
You are under no obligation to forward this to anyone, do a handstand on
your roof, or sell your firstborn child. If you got a kick out of reading
this, or feel like annoying someone you know, feel free to send this on. I
got a kick out of writing this and could really care less if you forward it
to anyone.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 1 pm.
Thursday Weather: 34 degrees, 60% snow chance, 8 mph winds
*** Snow = definitely outside play, come prepared
Saturday Weather: 34 degrees, 20% snow chance, 21 mph winds
*** Too much wind, probably inside

11/25/03 - The Game

I know we're all still recovering from The Game on Saturday. I still can't believe we lost. We started looking good in the beginning, but they built up a lead we couldn't recover from.

I'm talking of course about the Ultimate Frisbee tournament at the OSU USG Sports Fest. It was very exciting. We gathered together a troop of veteran frisbeers from the best of the Thursday crew and set forth to measure ourselves against the best that The Ohio State University had to offer.

The legendary team consisted of: Isaac Mann, Isaac Wu, EJ Mann, Dustin Heveron, Jared Heveron, Andrew Borden, Alan Devries, Ben Ayers, and Jason Kientz.

(It's not a sin if you let everyone know that you're bragging before you do it, right?)

The rules for the tourney were very difficult to squeeze out of anyone we asked, except for the one rule that only 7 frisbeers were allowed on the field at once with 3 extra frisbeers allowed to sub in.

So many cool things happened. (I seem to remember the things I did a lot better than things other people did. So that's why there may be a preponderance of notable Isaac moments.)

The first game we were a little out of synch and tried to force a lot of throws that weren't going to work. Notable moments of that game: A few members of the other team calling things catches that obviously were not; me jumping to block a frisbee and flattening a member of the other team and apologizing because I'm used to playing our style; I dig my heels into the astro-turf and lay backwards from a full sprint to catch a frisbee and hear a "whoa" from the other team and then proceed to make a terrible throw; I get the wind very much knocked out of me trying to jump over a guy to block the frisbee and there are no subs to come in for me; Jason makes an incredible rolling catch in heavy coverage and then, still disoriented, makes the game winning toss to Wu in the endzone. We won 6-5. (Due to time limit.)

Second game we got into our rhythm a lot better. The team we played, however, hadn't ever played Ultimate before. Notable moments: Jared has his best game of the evening making several excellent catches and blocks; we convince the other team to take a pass interference call when Jason almost tackles a guy way before the frisbee even gets there; Borden makes a clutch block when the other team is in the redzone; EJ has several blocks on throwers. We win 7-0.

The third and final game was by far the most exciting. We were playing against the OSU intramural Ultimate Frisbee team (some A-team and some B-team members). I didn't notice at the time, because I was just playing frisbee, but they had 20 people that they were rotating in and out, getting a fresh rotation of players every touchdown. I would have protested, but I didn't notice. Grr. Anyway, some notable moments: Jared skies over a man in the endzone to land a decisive smack on the frisbee; I am continually perplexed as I am constantly guarded despite running the entire game; Jason makes an excellent diving catch to save a bad throw from me; I bauble a frisbee and only manage to catch it with my knees; EJ races down a frisbee and catches it in our endzone; Ben is yelled at for coaching from the sidelines "Haven't you read the rules?" to which I reply "There are no rules. We don't know anything." (interestingly enough, the one rule that was written, they broke); Alan makes an excellent steal by out jumping another player who then complains that he may have been fouled; I rocket a pass between four opposing players to Borden streaking across the endzone; we hold them in their redzone for a full minute without managing to intercept the frisbee; and Ben's muscles revolt against him and he falls to the ground quivering as his man scores the last touchdown of the game. They win 7-4.

I think we could have had them. But it was incredible fun anyway. And we were never playing for prizes.

Afterwards, Melanie comes up and hugs me. They may have won the tournament, but I got the girl. I think I'm happy with that arrangement.

Due to Turkey Day festivities, there will be no frisbee this Thursday. There will, however, be a rip-roaring good game on Saturday at 2pm.
Saturday Weather: 45 degrees, 10% rain chance, 13 mph winds


11/19/03 - Power of Randomness

Just at the moment when you're so convinced that you could never get out of this hole, feel the breeze on your cheek, or laugh at a joke again - just then is when it happens. Where reason and emotions failed, sheer absurdity leaps in and crosses the gap walking backwards on its hands. And so we witness the power of randomness.

What? Is that? No, is it? Did that squirrel do what I think it did?

We are suddenly wrenched from whatever joys or sorrows happen to be holding us, and are inescapable focused on one ridiculous object. Moooooo! And first comes shock, then a chuckle, then uproarous laughter, then awkward silence. That's about when absurdity wears out its welcome and we wish it would leave. Cause if it doesn't leave, we feel obligated to explain this by definition inexplicable occurence.

Patch swings upside down in front of you and says, "Hello!" An anvil drops from the sky or a train drives out of a painting. You blink and the sky is purple. And blink, it's back again. The Son of the Creator shows up in the lives of his creatures in the form of just another creature. Surprise!

And if the surprise leaves, we smile and get back to our ordinary life.

Sometime, try staring a surprise right in the face, and see who blinks first.

And we're playing frisbee this week. Come play, you just might surprise yourself. (Did you like that transition? You didn't think I could tie it in. Well, who's surprised now? Huh?)

Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 4 pm (or after The Game).
Thursday Weather: 54 degrees, no rain, 10 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 64 degrees, 10% rain chance, 7 mph winds


11/12/03 - Abstract Frisbee

In honor of my Math H590 Abstract Algebra class, I will attempt to define frisbee in terms of groups and subgroups. Stifle that groan! This is going to be fun _and_ educational. Or else.

We'll start with the group S, which is "elements of sports". And we'll let C be a subset of S and C is defined as "things common to all sports". Just to get an idea, let's list some elements of C:

players, refs, a field, endurance, athletic talent, etc.

In order for C to be a subgroup of S, denoted C < S, 3 things must apply:

1. The identity element must be an element of C. (For multiplication 1 is the identity element.)

Since we're making up this whole thing, we can just pick something to be the identity element. What more natural element to be the identity than the player? Everything seems to revolve around the player.

2. For every element in C, the inverse of the element must be in C.
(An element times its inverse is defined to be the identity.)

So we need to take the five elements above and think of inverses that seem logical. That is, something that when combined with the element in some sense becomes a player. So:

player is the identity, so inv(player) = player
inv(referee) = fan
inv(field) = weather
inv(endurance) = will-power
inv(athletic talent) = luck

And all of those things are still elements common to all sports. (And if they don't apply to a particular sport, I'm just going to say that for our purposes, it's not a sport. And I can do that, cause I'm the one defining things here.)

3. Any element combined with any other element must still be in the subgroup (C).

This one would take a lot of work. So I'll just give an example and pretend it works for everything.
fan * weather = will-power (since a fan who will come out despite inclement weather shows will-power)
referee * luck = field (since when the referee doesn't see the play he'll call for the home field)

As you can see, it's kind of weird to talk about combining these different concepts. That's why I'm not going to go through every possible combination.

Ok, here's the exciting part. We'll look at the co-sets of C. A co-set is made by picking an element in the big group and multiplying it by every element in the subgroup. Say b is "the concept of football". Then bC is the football coset. With:
b*(player) = football player
b*(weather) = fall weather

By doing this we can see that S, the "elements of sports", is actually the union of all these co-sets. Say f is "the concept of frisbee", then:
f*(player) = frisbeer
f*(referee) = frisbeer again
f*(fan) = other frisbeers
f*(field) = goose restroom
f*(weather) = everything
f*(endurance) = running around
f*(will-power) = focus on the frisbee
f*(athletic talent) = co-ordination
f*(luck) = sudden gusts of wind

Isn't that wonderful?

So come play ultimate frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 12 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 38 degrees, 50% chance of _snow_, 27 mph winds
Note: How cool would it be to be playing frisbee in the first snow of the season? The wind is no good, so I could be convinced to go inside, but playing in the snow is wicked cool.

Saturday Weather: 52 degrees, 30% rain chance, 9 mph winds


11/04/03 - How long?

Psalm 13

1 How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

3 Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD ,
for he has been good to me.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 54 degrees, 20% rain chance, 10 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 43 degrees, 10% rain chance, 10 mph winds


10/28/03 - One Profound Joke

Sometimes I feel as if the whole world is one profound joke. God has been telling it since the beginning of time, and all the comedians, jesters and bards have gotten their best stuff from him. The whole thing seems like one big joke, but there a bunch of little jokes on the way - little hints of the coming punchline. Because a punch line is a whole lot better if you can get people to be anticipating it.

Some jokes are of the kind that comedians like to parrot - slapstick accidents, odd coincidences and the like. But there are also those jokes that no bard could ever capture, though many have tried.

There's the one about a boy and a girl madly in love. No one understands quite how hilarious that ingeniusly stupid feeling is, but those actually experiencing it. And even they can't manage to describe it to others except in awkward hand motions and idiotic phrases.

And the classic joke about the sun and the moon. The moon charges wildly around the sky as the sun, pretending it doesn't notice, continues its steady rotation. Astronomy, Physics and really all the sciences are a study in physical humor.

Oh, and I could laugh for hours thinking about the man who works his entire life and then dies. Or the snowman that's melting in a freakish February heatwave. Or the sand castle that is inexplicably enveloped in a sudden tidal wave. It's the children that know their castle is going to be destroyed that most enjoy building it, it's the man who knows he'll die that most lives. And the only real tragedy is the people who don't get the joke.

And that is why the world is also a cosmic tragedy. The very sound of laughter is one of the saddest sounds a person can hear. And also the heart-wrenching sob sounds so ridiculous, one can hardly help but giggle hysterically. And just as you can laugh so hard that you cry, you can cry so hard that you laugh. The realisation of the tragedy is very close to the realisation of the comedy. Both being the fullest outpouring of emotion possible. This way lies life.

So, moral? Laugh, cry, play frisbee.

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 1 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 68 degrees, 10% rain chance, 14 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 69 degrees, 20% rain chance, 9 mph winds


10/21/03 - Breather

Why don't you and I sit down and have a chat? Take a breather for a little bit. And just tell me what's on your mind.

Right now, I'm listening to Benny Goodman. I'm not quite sure who Benny Goodman is; he seems to be a jazz kind of guy. Maybe we could practice being jazz kind of people. Just bobbing your head in time to the rhythm, making it up as you go.

We could go play marbles. It took me years of training to manage to balance a ball of glass between a curved forefinger and thumb. But that's the fun of it. We'll just lie there on the sidewalk, and focus all of our energy into just that little flick and the marbles that scatter after.

Then, when our stomachs get tired, we can roll over and watch the clouds. Giant Rorschach inkblot tests in the sky. Except noone cares what you see, they just want you to see what they see.

I'll show you how to whistle. Or atleast to spit. We'll skip stones and jump in puddles. Dive into a cold lake. Or hang upside down from the rafters. Oh! Let's have a picnic on the roof! No ants up there. And we can wave to everyone that walks by.

And play frisbee. Yeah, we'll do that too.

Come play ultimate frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 4 pm.
Thursday Weather: 52 degrees, 30% rain chance, 9 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 65 degrees, 30% rain chance, 11 mph winds


10/14/03 - Is That a Number?

Waiting for the wind
To gustily go its way,
Frisbeers stand and wait.

This Haiku brought to you by the number "leigh" and the letter Z.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at Noon (pre-OSU game) at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 60 degrees, 20% rain chance, 11 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 57 degrees, 10% rain chance, 8 mph winds


10/08/03 - The Scarcity of Rootbeer Floats

I present for your consideration one of the unfathomable mysteries of the universe: The Scarcity of Rootbeer Floats.

It is a well-established fact that the process of combining ice cream and root beer produces a substance that far surpasses the sum of its parts. It is rumored that Ambrosia (The nectar of the Gods. You know, they drink it on Mount Olympus.) is actually nothing more than rootbeer floats. Of course, I say "nothing more" in an entirely reverent sense, for who can find a substance more conducive to the foamy sweet bliss that one enjoys when slurping, sipping or drinking a rootbeer float.

Now this fact is widely accepted. (Only disputed by those unfortunate few who have so twisted their tasted buds so as to be immune to the wonders of rootbeer floats.) However, after conducting an extensive survey (I reserve the right to define extensive in whatever way I want), I have found that most people only taste this delicacy a few times a year. Why, oh why is this so?

We have already explained that it is not for lack of enjoying the rootbeer float experience. It is also not for lack of ingredients. Ice cream and rootbeer are rated (nevermind by who) among the top ten household foods that are carefully kept in stock. So it is actually more of a rarity to not be possessing both ingredients at any particular time.

It is also not that people are unaware of the existence of one or the other ingredient. I have witness many a time when an individual is drinking rootbeer with his meal and then gets up to have some ice cream for desert. And yet it never crosses his mind the wonders that he is blithely passing by. Why is this so? It is almost as if there is a mental block placed in the human mind to stop the connection of the two thoughts of ice cream and rootbeer. This block is so powerful that sometimes even when seeing the two ingredients right next to each other on the counter a person may think "Oh, someone left out the ice cream. And on a completely unrelated note, I should put the rootbeer back in the fridge." What a tragedy.

There is a Norse myth that attempts to explain this tragedy. It says that long ago Loki, seeing the bliss that men were enjoying from rootbeer floats, and being of the unfortunate few that could not taste the sweetness of rootbeer floats himself, sought for a way to take from mankind forever the joy of the rootbeer float. So he cast a powerful spell over all of mankind that would blot out from their minds forever the image of ice cream and rootbeer combined. However, Odin learned of his plot while his still in the process of casting the spell. And before Loki could complete the spell, dooming mankind to an eternity without rootbeer floats, he cast a lightning bolt that disturbed Loki's incantation. And now, though Loki's spell still holds men captive for most of the time, when yearning for olden days strikes them, sometimes like Odin's lightning bolt they break through the spell for a brief span and enjoy the yummy goodness of a rootbeer float. Mmm....

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 74 degrees, 20% rain chance, 6 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 70 degrees, 20% rain chance, 8 mph winds


09/30/03 - Esophagus Sculpting

Ice sculpting competition in my throat! Prizes for the best sculptures! We're out of ice, so you'll have to just carve out some of my esophagus. Not the best material, but it's readily available. Bring something to keep the bleeding out of your face.

Or maybe, here, here I've got it...

The school of acupuncture is now holding classes in a new location. Isaac's larynx!


Who wants to play hopscotch? I do!

That didn't have much to do with me being sick. And none of this has anything to do with frisbee. Deal with it.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 53 degrees, 20% rain chance, 10 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 57 degrees, 30% rain chance, 11 mph winds


09/23/03 - Frisbee Psychiatrist

I feel like I'm just being used by everyone I meet. I meet someone and they seem all swell at first. We hang out a little and then they're done with me. And they just throw me on to the next person.

And this makes you feel under-valued?

Well, yeah. I mean, I have feelings too, you know? If people could just take the effort to say, "I like you for who you are." or even "You're looking pretty good today." I think I could make it through ok. But nobody even seems to notice me. Except for when they need me. Then, I'm the center of attention and they're all begging for me to help them.

I'm sensing a lot of deep-seated resentment here. Is this just about people you meet? It seems like there's something more under the surface here.

Well, I guess. My mother was a trash can lid and my dad was a man-hole cover, so I've always felt like I wasn't as good as the other kids. Like I had something to prove, you know? I'd come home and my mom had been tossed around and beaten again. And my dad was such a push-over - all day he'd let cars and trucks roll right over him.

So you feel that society's negative perception of your parents has reflected on you?

Sure. You haven't been called "sewer spawn" all your life. Do you know what it feels like to have kids call your mom trashy? And the worst part of all is that somewhere, deep inside, you start to think they're right. And it just sits there, eating away at everything you do, dragging you down.

Our time is about up here, but I think we've made some real breakthroughs today. You've come to the realisation that you are just a freak that came from the accidental meeting of a sewer cover and a trash lid. And I want you to get used to people catching and throwing you without caring the least bit about how you feel. You are a Frisbee, that is what you're there for. Suck it up.

Come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 64 degrees, 20% rain chance, 11 mph winds.


9/17/03 - Spatterings

The 50 year old company, AB Bookman, has closed its doors due to financial problems. Intergalactic Inc. dba Bookman's® of Arizona has purchased the intellectual property of the company though they have no plans to continue publication of AB Bookman material.

Preview a modern day war between Vampires and Werewolves

These statistics and graphs provide a compelling overview of 10 years of book production and pricing.

Thank you for all the years of support! WMRQ did our best to remain on the "cutting edge" with new music… Radio 104 will remain alive on-line at www.radio104.com. As Radio 104 goes "underground", we will now feature commercial-free new rock. 24 hours a day… 7 days a week… 365 days a year.

In 1995, when I first decided to learn web development and create a home page, I couldn't decide on a topic. Homepages seemed to focus on cute, clever, or just plain 'ol tacky. Not feeling that I could truly do justice to any of those areas, I decided to put something on the web that helped to fill the gap between current events and research. Bochco's book is transparent and predictable.

The first Melohman instrument will be the Quad Frohmage Melohman and will be released in October. It is an innovative synth based on a unique synthesis type called SyncGrain, a built-in filter bank (guess which one) and a deeply integrated with the instrument plays parameters.

A huge thanks goes out to Lord Deathknight for his unflagging support and cooperation in helping me to get these banners looking sharp.

After falling in with a group of rebels, their lives quickly go in different directions; Junbao feels like he's found a home, but Chin Bo enlists in the imperial army. Said rebels are fighting against an evil overlord - a movement that draws the ex-friends into conflict.

Hi, and welcome to our cozy little place on the web! We're enjoying an active retirement here in Brainerd, Minnesota, after spending nearly a lifetime in the radio station business. In January, at age 88, we got our first computer.... and here we are!

Contains three sections titled, challenges, meeting the challenges, and current challenges. Topics include microbial diseases, biological warfare, and antibiotic resistance.

left before I even picked up the carkeys tripped back to the past, a drive to a tavern Adam waiting at the bar, I was that excited put my hand down, with carkeys, into somebody's icing somebody's birthday in a room upstairs...

It's strange what you can pick up by wrapping yourself in sticky tape and wandering through random websites. For more, see www.random.com .

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 7 pm. (Moved from 8 to 7.)
Thursday Weather: 74 degrees, no rain, 10 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 71 degrees, 10% rain chance, 9 mph winds


9/10/03 - Tron Is Cool


Sark turns, curious, eyes widen incredulously..
We SEE Tron standing, legs spread, arms poised by his sides, disk in
one hand. It gives off a pure white light.
I don't know how you survived,
slave. It doesn't matter. Prepare to
Sark flings his disk with a violent jerk of his wrist.
As the disk races at Tron. He dodges, drops to one knee and ducks
under it. Sark's disk circles like a homing missile and attacks
again. Tron deflects the second attack with his own disk, and the
two meet with an explosion of light. Sark's disk ricochets off and
races away, back to Sark. We see Tron throw his own weapon.

Sark's face.

You are very persistent, Tron.

Tron's disk circles Sark, attacking twice. Sark deflects it and
immediately throws his own disk.

Shot of two weapons racing almost side by side through the air.

Shot of Tron as the two disks come at him.

I'm also better than you....

He leaps into the air, grabs his own disk, pulling his legs up as
Sark's disk passes under him.

Shot of Sark's Disk making a sharp turn in the air.

Tron looks over his shoulder, sees the disk coming at him.

We see Tron's hand, as he slams his own disk into Sark's, using his as a shield.

Very clever, Tron. You know you
should have joined me.

Tron hurls again.


Sark catches his own disk, spots Tron's coming at him right behind,
and holds up his own disk as a shield.

We would have made a great team.

Tron's disk turning sideways in its flight, edge on.

With a CRASH and explosion of light, Tron's disk cuts right through
Sark's disk, and on through Sark's head. The disk shatters, and we
see Sark's surprised face, hands still in position to hold the
disk... a jagged open slash right through his forehead. We can see
energy pouring out of this wound like blood.
Sark falls, dead, face first.

Come defeat the Master Control Program, er, play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 8 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 76 degrees, no rain, 8 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 70 degrees, 10% rain chance, 7 mph winds


P.S. Tron script obtained from

9/3/03 - God Bless Auto-Save

Ever since the big power outage, things have been kind of quirky. There’ve been more black outs and brown outs than usual, people have been getting more worms and viruses via e-mail, and worst of all, frisbee central isn’t sending or receiving mail. (So I’m writing this from the computer 3 feet to the left. You might ask why it took me a day and a half to move 3 feet. I might tell you to mind your own business.)

Are all of these things mere coincidences? I think not. I’ve worked out several very likely theories.

1. There’s a nest of Godzilla eggs below The City (never mind which city) which messing with power lines. They’re also psychically creating and sending electronic viruses throughout the internet. And Godzilla is the current head of the OSU Tech department. He’s not very good at it. His claws are too big to hit one key at a time and he keeps melting hardware with his fire breath.

2. Our dimension is in the middle of colliding with the one next door. Eddy’s in the space time continuum and he filled me in on the whole thing. Colliding dimensions do all kinds of screwy things. While they’re colliding, expect at any time to see dinosaurs rampaging through the streets, strange flowers growing out of your ceiling, or your chair talking to you. If the dimensions just bounce off each other, then all will be well shortly. If they get enough psychokinetic energy built up and they merge, we’re all in for some exciting water-cooler discussions for the next few centuries. If, through the proper alignment of universal torque and hyrdo-plasmic disturbances, an entirely new baby dimension is formed from parts of the original two, good luck to those of you stuck in that brave new world.

3. Sun spots.

4. You’re all playing an elaborate practical joke on me. Come on guys, it’s not funny any more. It’s not even April Fools Day. Would you get a life? Sure, haha, let’s go screw up Isaac’s life. It’ll be funny. Well, I’ve got news for you. Sometimes jokes hurt, alright? And... it.. *sob* ...it makes me feel all ugly inside. So happy words, okay? I need warm fuzzies, not cold pricklies.

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 8 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 75 degrees, 20% rain chance, 12 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 60 degrees, 10% rain chance, 3 mph winds


P.S. I kid you not, this computer crashed in the middle of my writing this e-mail. God bless Auto-Save.

8/26/03 - We Did It

Well, we did it. And I've had a little time to think back on what all went into this colossal feat.

At 4 am on Saturday morning, after already playing 6 hours of frisbee, you can really see what a person's made of. And there were plenty of outstanding frisbeers that night. There were some incredible moments during that 24-hour ordeal. I know I didn't manage to see everything (for instance from 3:30 to 5:30, when I was sleeping) but I'd like to make special note of those things that I did see.

Jared Heveron managed somehow to be the first and last person touching the frisbee. His picture-perfect kick-off to start the game and his wearied flail to end it show the difference a day can make. He also beat out his brother by 1 assist. Derek Dimitrovski showed he could make the effort to catch that hard td throw. Steve Gehlert proved that he could mercilessly rack up points against de-hydrated sleep-deprived opponents. Matt Bowersox, through some subtle trickery, always wound up open in the endzone. Alan Devries made it through 7 hours straight with only sore muscles and then managed to seriously sprain his ankle the next time he went in. Melanie Bynum was running around like she was fresh on Saturday. EJ Mann slid across his back in the endzone to catch a frisbee in a move that Russ called "too much effort." Russ Nagy showed off his frisbee expertise and played for a surprising number of hours after biking 30 miles earlier that morning. Dave Mann, the oldest person to play, made an excellent showing, beating out younger competitors such as Tom Peck and Ben Rule. Christina Riddle played for several hours when she really didn't want to. Dustin Heveron reached his goal of 12 hours playtime in the last hour of play. Madison Mikhail and Alissa Heveron win the prize for most recent converts, after learning to play frisbee right there.

In the end, the final score of Team A - 440 to Team B - 470 is not so much an indicator of who played better frisbee, but rather who kept better stats. Team A managed 440 touch downs and 336 assists. This means that for 94 touch downs, it was actually a Team B frisbeer who threw the pass. Team B managed a better ratio with 470 tds and 401 assists. All in all, I was quite proud of how even the teams were. You couldn't ask for a closer score than that. Unless you paid the statisticians. (Not going to happen, Claire.)

Important information:

If you left something at 24-hour frisbee and would like it back, I probably have it. E-mail me and we'll try to get it back to you. (There may be a finders fee.)

Stats for the game can be found on my website. If you wish to be on the mailing list for weekly frisbee games, let me know.

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 8 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 85 degrees, 20% rain chance, 9 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 75 degrees, 10% rain chance, 8 mph winds


8/19/03 - The Hour

The hour draws near!

Hm, imagine that. No, really.

A large circular object, the height of a man, but not proportioned properly. A circle about 5 feet in diameter, 6 inches thick. There are four knubs sticking out, two on the bottom which the whole contraption is resting on, one on each side just hanging limp. The face of the circle is actually a clock, with two giant eyes being the noticeable exception.

Then it moves. Bending over at what would presumably be the waist, it picks up off the ground a pencil. Then moving over to a conveniently placed easel, it begins to work. It starts by drawing long curving lines that seem to move around the canvas (yes, using a pencil on a canvas, get over it.) in a haphazard fashion. Then it draws a dark object near the middle; a hole perhaps? It begins to add shading, and the object begins to be more clear. Is that? No, that's too cheesy. Aw, it is. It's drawing an ear. Man, Isaac you've surpassed yourself this time.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 89 degrees, 10% rain chance, 11 mph winds

Then... 24-hour frisbee! Friday 5pm to Saturday 5pm.
Friday Weather: 81/61 degrees, 30% rain chance, 8 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 77/59 degrees, 20% rain chance, 10 mph winds


8/14/03 - Frisbee System Analysis

System analysis: Isaac and E.J. Mann - Surfing. Dustin and Jared Heveron - Surfing

Can frizbee go on? Is it possible even without our normal leaders?

I think it can. I just need like 7 other people to show up at 4 today (Thursday). Come on.


I know I'm not nearly as good a writer as Isaac, but come play anyway

8/5/03 - The Frisbee Digest

August 22. It is coming. We must prepare for the 24 hour Frisbee Fest. Train your friends, foes, and small fleet strangers for the cause. Follow these frisbee training tips wisely and be ready…the time of testing will come!

1. Teaching can begin at approximately 2 1/2 to 4 months of age (this depends mainly on your trainee’s attention span...it may be the equivalent of a beetle bug at first). Begin by teaching your trainee to retrieve projectile objects, as he one day will with the Frisbee. Balls and other tossable toys are normally used, but large flat mushrooms, stale pancakes, or crispy kosher latkas can be employed to provide a more disc-like effect. However, whatever you decide to teach with, do NOT use sticks. The possibility of impaling a budding frisbeer is not worth the risk, not that early on. Remember we need to preserve as many frisbeers as we can!

2. It may be necessary during retrieval training to attach your trainee to a long line of rope or heavy twine depending on his size. This will ensure that he returns to you after retriving the object. Many trainees have a tendency to wander off on the field during training, losing themselves various Frisbee dreams. If he gets that glazed look in his eyes, gently tug the rope at first and see if he comes. If not, reel him in. Praise him when he comes to you. If he doesn’t, wind the rope snugly about his entire body, leaving only one protruding forearm, then make him play Frisbee mummy style.

3. Some people recommend using a frisbee as a food dish to familiarize your trainee with the disc. (I only tried this once and unfortunately dirtied several Frisbees. Plus, the knife cut nasty gashes in my good plastic Frisbees. Just keep knives away from all Frisbee trainees. Yes, training frisbeers with sharp objects are often menacing)

4. It is also suggested that you never give the frisbee to your trainee to play with on his own, as he will probably chew it up. I’ve seen trainees chew up many a frisbee in my day. BE SURE YOUR TRAINEE DOESN'T EAT PIECES OF FRISBEE. They are not too tasty but I understand some trainees are so inclined to chew, due to initial Excessive Frisbee Excitement Syndrome (or maybe it’s that rule #3).

5. Always use the word "Frisbee" in an excited tone so he will learn to associate the word with the fun of playing frisbee. Whenever he hears the word “Frisbee” he should be up, alert, and ready to play! Most trainees respond well to a falsetto exclamation, a low beastly growl, or a french pronounciation of the word “fris-bee”.

6. Catching a frisbee....ah finally! Begin by getting your trainee excited with the frisbee. Move it back and forth rapidly in front of his face. Tease him with it so he wants it so badly he'll chase it anywhere, leap over any miniature caynon to catch it, or sacrifice his body in any way to keep that frisbee off the ground. Once whipped into a frenzy, throw it a short distance (4-7 feet), high enough so that he will get to it before it hits the ground. If we're lucky he'll try to catch it out of the air, mid-jump! If you need to, attach the line (remember the rope or twine?) to him as you train him to return the frisbee to you after catching it (bungi cords work better for elasticity if he’s jumping). If your trainee runs from you after retrieving the fris

7. Make a mental note of the number of successful catches .....lets say out of 10. If he misses more than 5 out of 10 implement one of the Frisbee callisthenic reprimands-9 sets of the 23 various finger exercises, 500 jumping jacks, 28 timed laps around the field with 25 pound quoits (ancestors of the Frisbee) tied to his ankles-may the honorable history of the frisbeers weigh heavy upon his heart as he focuses on paying his penance. Watch his progress and before you know it, he'll get a 10 for 10!

These training tips, only slightly modified from Rudy’s intensive plan: “How to train a frisbeer in 17 days”, promise amazing results (http://www.netlabs.net/hp/lew/rudy/training.htm). Start recruiting your team mates today, whip them into shape, and bring them smartly dressed to Frisbee at Mill Run this Thursday, August 7th at 4pm and Saturday, August 9th at 8pm.

Melanie Bynum

Weather conditions: Thursday, August 7th: Isolated Thunderstorms high of 81 degrees, a dastardly western wind of 7 mph (from the Rule Index found at www.ruleshottips.com)Saturday, August 9th: Isolated Thunderstorms high of 80 degrees, wind from the south at 7 mph

7/30/03 - And you thought frisbee could get old...

Frisbee-mail courtesy of Brittany Allen. Enjoy!

To My Fellow Frisbeers!

We've been playing frisbee for quite some time now. Ah, I still remember the days of ol', when frisbee games were a rare occurrence of sheer bliss and Sunday afternoon boredom. But now, as we have grown as children of God and frisbee players, we have started to grown used to the weekly spurts of fun. So, I asked some of you to come up with new ideas to spice up the game. Here are some of the suggestions I received...

IDEA #1: We blindfold the Mann brothers. As they have clearly shown, the Mann brothers have an uncanny ability to play frisbee. It's ok, I think most of us have come to terms with the fact that we will never be as good as them. God gifts us all in different ways. So to make the game a little more even (especially when they play on the same team), I suggest we blindfold them. Other suggestions: Making them ride Emus while juggling and singing Tetelestai songs, or cutting off random limbs.

IDEA #2: We change playing fields. We have been playing on the same field at MR since the game began. Why not switch up the scenery for a change? My favorite suggested playing ground was the Field of Concrete Corn in the lovely land of Dublin. Although sure to be hazardous to our health, this would make an interesting game. Other suggestions included a field of pudding, playing in the Heveron's living room, and laying a bunch of fat people on the ground to bounce on.

IDEA #3: We change the object we play with. I know, I know, the whole name of the game is frisbee. But what if we didn't play with a frisbee at all? What if we played with a live newt? Or a flaming bag of pooh? Why, we could even play with each other. I am sure EJ would give up his body for the good of the frisbee game. Rejected suggestions: playing with really expensive electronic equipment, or with the Borden's dog (which I guess no one likes anyway), or tossing around your favorite pastor.

IDEA #4: Bring Your Own Weapon day. (Affectionately called: BYOW) Every once in a while, someone during our frisbee games will get hit. Hard. We all know the feeling of having the wind knocked out of you by a Mann or two. But what if we made this violence an acceptable part of the game? Someone about to block your catch? Take them out with a swift hit to the legs with your very own machete! No one will even think about going after a misdirected pass when you catch them with your dad's fishing pole! As this is the most violent game attempted, a parental consent form will be required. Suggested Weapons of Choice: A mace, light saber, M16 assault rifle, nuclear bombs, and Tom after eating a large mexican meal.

Come to frisbee this Thursday at 4, and Saturday at 8 where I'm sure we will not be using any of these suggestions!

7/23/03 - Lauren Comer is the Devil

This e-mail courtesy of Dustin Heveron:

It's 0115 hours, and the feeling around camp is finally starting to sway in the direction of victory. The day had started like any other day, up at 0600 with one objective in mind, the same goal that had yet to be achieved in the past four years worth of attempts. But none of that mattered now. The failures, the psychological damage, the lives lost, it was all in the past. And this time, the outcome would be different. The battle would be won, once and for all.

Everything was going according to plan, the creature had been cut off from it's food/energy source, there were no innocent civilians for it to attack, all possible escape routes had been thought of and barricaded, and the restraints were holding. You could practically see the fight draining out of her, soon the beast would be nothing but a tired heap of broken bones and bad memories. Victory will be ours! But then, like the calm before a tornado hits, silence engulfs us. This is it! If we can weather this silence, she will sleep, the war will be over, we will go down in history as the heroes of--AAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!

What the devil? What was that noise? What's going on?

"MY LEG!!!!! She bit my leg!!! AAAARRGHH!!!"

Looking at her, you couldn't tell that anything had happened, her arms pulled tight around her back, her legs firmly secured...but the look of terror on the guard's face told a different story. Curled into the fetal position, clutching his wounded leg, I wondered what could have caused such a stouthearted man to become so petrified with fear.

And then I heard a noise that answered my question. It was a horrible, monstrous sound, originating in the belly of the beast and emanating out of her terrible throat like a tidal wave. It was as if with that noise, the very demons of Hell had been loosed to wreak havoc on the souls of our camp, creating our own, personal purgatory. Just as I was starting to believe that nothing could make things worse, my gaze accidentally fell onto it's eyes. It's cold, dead eyes. Eyes that drained the will to live out of you, eyes that preyed upon the souls of the hopeless, eyes that made you feel like your very spirit had withered and died. ...the horror...the horror...

And so, with a quick flex of her biceps and a tug of her legs, she was free. Free to terrorize and devour once more. All I could do was look at Isaac who was in the same kind of pain, unable to move, drained of energy and resolve. It was all over. We had failed. The beast was gone. Lauren Comer had overpowered and escaped from us, two fully grown college guys.

"Didn't think she'd be able to get at my leg with her teeth," was all I could sputter out to my fellow, fallen comrade.

"Good stretch for such a short little neck. She's real feisty."

"How about them claws? Some real daggers, eh?"

"Yep. Mighty strong legs she's got too....real feisty."

"She's a swimmer, ya know."

"She's real feisty for a nine year old girl."

"Don't I know it."

"She's awfully resilient...and real feisty. Although I actually thought we had her there for a sec when we drug out to the van and dumped her."

"Me too."

"....yessir, real feisty."

"....hey, you think they have any of those off-brand cheese curls left?"

"Don't know, but I have got to get me some of that lemonade."

"Yeah, good lemonade. What's in that stuff?"


"I wonder if I could get the recipe."

"Maybe, but then you'll only know how to make it 10 gallons at a time. And you'd never drink that much at one sitting. You'd have to set up one of those stands and sell it by the glass to strangers for a small profit to get rid of it all."

"You're right, that's an awful lot of work for some lemonade. But I really wanted some."

"Well, too bad. Look, I'm just trying to put things in perspective."

"Hmph. Too much freaking perspective if you ask me. And I don't care for your tone either."

"Well why don't you cry about it?" (sound of a 19 year old man sobbing)

"Well listen here Sir Pouts-a-lot, I'm going to bed. Call me when you can shut off the waterworks."

(sniff) "Ok. Are we still on for lunch?"


"Cool. Later dude."


And so ends another attempt to incarcerate and detain Lauren Comer. And once again, Lauren eluded our grasp. Why? Because Lauren Comer is The Devil!

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 8 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 78 degrees, 10% rain chance, 7 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 70 degrees, 20% rain chance, 6 mph winds


P.S. Let me know when a good day for the 24 hour frisbee game would be. Sometime between August 16 and September 1st. Once I get some feedback, I'll set a day and we can start publicizing.

7/15/03 - Wanted: One Theme Song

Wanted: One Theme Song

There's something very cool about having a theme song... I mean, once you've got your own theme song, you've got it made. All the good superheroes have theme songs. Look at Batman, Spiderman, Superman; they've all got multiple theme songs. But The Human Rat? He's got nothing. Now, if he found a catchy tune, Ratface could probably make something of himself. But as it is, things don't look so good for him.

Just look at Gilligan. The guy has practically no redeeming qualities. He just spent all of his kharma points on the theme song. And now everybody knows his name. He's in. You can't go anywhere without hearing someone hum-humming, "... a three hour tour, a three hour tour...". Which is interesting, cause no one ever knows the rest of the song. I don't think there is a rest of the song; it's all just smoke and mirrors. I bet the rest of the song goes something like:

This is the Gilligan's Island song
But you don't know the words
And that's how we planned it
a three hour tour, a three hour tour

Gilligan is a poor old shmuck
but because of this theme song
you'll think he's really cool
a three hour tour, a three hour tour

So, I want a theme song. A theme song for Frisbee, which I might sometimes steal and use for my own personal benefit. All it really needs is one catchy part and a lot of mumbling. The writer of the best submission will be bountifully rewarded from all the vast riches of the frisbee budget. (I hear the going rate for songs is a quarter.)

We're playing frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run and Saturday at 8 pm. That's Saturday at 8, not 2.
Thursday Weather: 81 degrees, no rain, 5 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 70 degrees, 10% rain chance, 7 mph winds, sunset at 9


7/10/03 - Inquiring Minds Want to Know...

Well ladies and gentlemen, it's mid-July, and it seems that for the second time this summer we find ourselves without our favorite pair of prematurely bald frisbee denizens, Isaac and EJ Mann. So this poses the question: can Ultimate Frisbee be played sans Manns? Well, curious of the answer to that very question, I spoke to Isaac Mann himself. Our interview went as follows:

Dustin Heveron- So, you're going out of town, right?

Isaac Mann- Yeah

DH- Uh, are you taking the frisbee cones?

IM- Probably not

DH- I can use them for our frisbee game on Thursday if you want someone to guard them for you.

IM- Ummm, ok...

DH- Do you have any of that Cream Soda left?

IM- I think so

DH- I'm going to go have some

IM- Would you like some?

DH- (sound of a can of soda opening)

IM- Okay then...

DH- Hey, so, what's the deal with the shaved head? Did you lose a bet? It looks awful.

IM- (low growling sound) ---undecipherable commotion follows, interviewer blacks out---

Isaac informed me that frisbee can, despite popular belief to the contrary, be played without the presence of anyone with two back-to-back N's in their last name. That said, we WILL be playing ultimate frisbee this Thursday at 4pm, with the hair-to-scalp ratio slightly higher than normal.

Come play, or we'll shave YOUR head too!!
Thursday, 4pm
Weather: 78 degrees, 40% chance of rain, 11 mph winds


7/2/03 - What the Devil?

I was thinking of writing an e-mail entitled either The Joys of Key Camp or Lauren Comer Is the Devil. But I'm tired. So I'll steal someone else's work.

There once was a llama named Llary,
Who decided, one day, he would marry,
We could find him no bride,
No matter how hard we tried,
All the gals thought Llary too hairy!

- Brittany Allen

This is just one of the many ways of saying that baldness is sexy. Another way involves large monetary gifts and free food.

We're playing again this Thursday (tomorrow) at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 86 degrees, no rain, 7 mph winds

Bring water. And food. And large monetary gifts.

We'll play Saturday at 2 pm as well.
Weather: 85 degrees, 30% rain chance, 10 mph winds


6/25/03 - PE Class

This week's e-mail courtesy of Lynn Bynum. Along with Jared's e-mail of last week, this may be the beginning of a guest writer series. We'll see.

It's a typical day in high school phys. ed. class. Well actually slightly atypical, because instead of madly running in circles around the gym, the Nazi teachers give in and let the children run free outside and organize a friendly game of frisbee. The children run to and fro laughing and playing until a new girl joins the game.

This girl is slightly different that the others. Instead of lazily sauntering about the field hoping maybe someday that frisbee will float right to her, she sprints in diagonals, in circles, cutting, calling and CATCHING the frisbee. The others whisper among themselves and decide she must have had some former training; the name Mann is muttered in jealous disgust.

As the game continues, the team opposing the persistent frisbee girl shrinks back--she only builds momentum, occasionally clotheslining meek lemmings who sneak up behind her when trying to intercept a crucial pass. Suddenly her teammate grasps the frisbee and everthing morphs into s l o w m o t i o n....He turns...he sees her madly waving her arms calling.....h e r e ! I ' m o p e n ! The frisbee whittles a path through space, soaring towards the goal line...Everyone stares mouths flapping open as the girl herself sprints through the air foolishy grinning and holding her arms out, eyes focused on the hovering blue disc, feet a blur, onlooker's minds float and daydream about skipping through daisy's, the wind blowin- SMASH! CRUNCH! Torn from their reveries, the classmates observe in horrific silence the assault of a speeding body upon a metal bench. Impact point one: shin connects to ridged metal. Impact point two: Collar bone is speared

The gym teacher rushes to the wounded's side screaming "Throw up if u have to! Go and do it! If u hit your shin you should throw up!" I er..she slowly shakes her head and mouths, "I won't throw up." People surround her with pointing fingers; their giggles end in gasps when she reveals the swelling gash in her neck. Some friends awkwardly drag her to the very bench that attacked her and try to prop up her body laying her limp right arm on her lap. A boy crouches down and picks at the shreds of skin hanging from her shin. After 10 minutes in reverent silence, the teacher belts out "to the nurse with you!" and one boy wins out over the rest to get the opportunity to cut the rest of class and walk the ailing one to the nurse. Half way there, this assistant wanders off to go watch a tennis match and leaves the wounded to battle the elements alone in search of medical consultation.

Tune in next week to hear the compelling conclusion: At the Hospital (excerpt provided)

Blond nurse speaks as she assists the patient to the x-ray room:"Ya so I like broke my collar bone too in like seventh grade."

"Wow. That's very kind of you to share. Yea so what could the doctors do to help?"

Shrill laugh-giggle "Lemme think...Yup I had to wear this huge shoulder/collar bone brace for one or two..wait duh! three months! But that was like in seventh grade so it like REALLY sucked because I was trying to impress guys and I had this big like THING strapped to me. That's soooo scary I can hear their taunting laughs like yesterday!"

No Frisbee this week due to Creation, VBS, and Key Camp all concertedly wailing on any attempts to gather high schoolers.


6/17/03 - Frisbee WITHOUT The Mann's?!?!?!

Well folks, it's happened. Isaac Mann and his brother EJ have been caught in the middle of a freak head-shaving accident and are on their way to a rehab center in Myrtle Beach. Don't worry, their heads are still attached to their bodies and are in one piece. However, it's been reported that the recovery process is a slow one. "They have trouble letting go of the game" said Dr. Rosenrose in reference to the glow-in-the-dark frisbees serving as both night-lights and their only source of entertainment. As bad as this news is, I believe it's in the best interest of everyone if we continue our own skull crackin lifestyles with a game of frisbee this saturday at 2. Sadly, we can't have our usual thursday game due to V.B.S.

Thank you for letting me waste the past five minutes of your life,


Weather report for Saturday, June 21st
Sunny and 80 degrees, 10% chance of rain

6/11/03 - Helicopters?

"All units, come in. We've got a man down on east sixth. All units please respond. Repeat, man down on east sixth. All units please respond."

"Aw, that's not a pretty sight. I wonder what possessed him to do that? Shh, something's happening."

"Mommy, look! Look at the helicopters! What are they doing, mom?"

"Serves 'im right, really. Think they're invincible. Huh."

"We've got new reports coming in from East Sixth street where earlier today..."

"Hey, would you turn that off? Why can't I ever get any peace and quiet around here?"

"...that's all we have so far. We'll be keeping you posted every hour on the hour, with breaking news at once."

"Looks like severe contussions on the upper back, several broken vertebrae, and that leg will need to come off. This kid'll be lucky to survive."

"Wow! That was sweet! Did you see that catch?"

"Man, that putts Green ahead by three. We'll have to keep our choppers in tight formation to pull this one out. Shame about Griswold, though."

[Helicopter Frisbee - don't try this at home, kids]

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Thursday Weather: 72 degrees, 60% rain chance, 9 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 80 degrees, 30% rain chance, 8 mph winds


P.S. Pending someone else organising it, there will be no frisbee next week. I'll be at the Student Venture Getaway and everyone else will be doing vacation bible school. There will most likely be impromptu games between sessions, but I'm not in charge of that.

6/4/03 - Four Figures

Upon reaching the summit, you encounter four figures.

The Troll says, "Me big. Hurt things. Nothing gets in my way. Follow me." And he begins to trudge off, tearing up saplings, underbrush and boulders that happen to be in his path.

The Lemming says, "Hey! Isn't it exciting! Life's always an adventure! Look, shiney! Follow me!" And he dives headlong over the mountainside.

The Rock (yes, inanimate objects can talk) says, "Easy there... take it a little slower... I always know where I'm going... you should follow me." And he proceeds to sit there. And sit there.

The Frisbee (yeah, you knew it was coming) says, "I get dizzy a lot." And before he can say "Follow me" the Troll, having gotten lost in the underbrush re-emerges and chucks the frisbee out of his path. The frisbee then skips off the Rock that is still sitting there and goes hurtling over the mountainside. As it drops past the Lemming, who still has a giddy grin on his face, the Lemming remarks, "Sweet!"

I think it's pretty clear which one is the right choice.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm and Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run
Thursday Weather: 65 degrees, 10% rain chance, 10 mph winds
Saturday Weather: 75 degrees, 20% rain chance, 8 mph winds


5/29/03 - Freddie and the Frisbee Factory

Freddie and the Frisbee Factory

I'm feeling lazy, and I'm pressed for time, so I'll just sketch it out for you. You can flesh out the story.

Freddie is a poor boy who lives with his entire extended family in a very small and cramped military compound. Half of his family are invalids who never leave the family bed, and the other half are crazed militant wackos. Everyone say, "Poor Freddie." Well done.

Now, Billy Bonka, the reclusive owner of the famous Frisbee Factory, decides to have a contest. Inside six of his frisbees he puts invitations to tour the Frisbee Factory, a thing that has not been done since the last health inspectors were kicked out fifteen years ago. The nation goes crazy. Everyone wants those invitations. People are lining frisbees up in parking lots to be smashed by cars so that they can look inside.

Freddie's job, as the youngest of the crazed militant wacko half of his family, is to throw the skeet for the rest of the slighty deranged portion of his family to target practice on. One day, he ran out of skeet to throw and he didn't want them to get mad at him so he started using frisbees. And, you guessed it, inside the shattered remains of one of those frisbees was a punctured and mutilated invitation to Billy Bonka's Frisbee Factory.

The rest of the story involves Freddie's adventures inside the very unusual Factory. Anything and everything that can spin in the factory, does. Including the entire factory itself. Lots of motion sickness problems.

The remainder of the story is left as an exercise for the reader.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 67 degrees, 30% rain chance, 10 mph winds

Also come play frisbee Saturday at 2 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 68 degrees, 40% rain chance, 10 mph winds


5/22/03 - Well?



What are you looking at?

Shove off, will you?

Oh, I see. Just because you happen to get frisbee-mails from me every week, you've decided that you're somehow entitled to them. Well maybe I don't feel like it today. And I'd thank you kindly to take your puppy dog eyes elsewhere.

Fine. If you really want a frisbee-mail, go look at an old one.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run. (I won't be there, but the game will go on.)
Weather: 66 degrees, no rain, 10 mph winds

Let's have the saturday game at 10 pm so that I can play. That's Saturday at 10 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 57 degrees, 20% rain chance, 5 mph winds


5/14/03 - Exer-Bee (tm)

It's the amazing Exer-Bee (tm) ! This incredible contraption has been sweeping the fitness world by storm!

That's right. With only 5 short 3-hour sessions a week, you too can look like this super model walking her dog! (bylooklikewemeanyouwillbeabletowalkadog) Don't you wish you could look like her? (youmayormaynotactuallyloseanyweight. modelmayormaynotbeawarethatthisfootagewastaken. modelmayormaynotbesuingmeforvideotapingherwithoutpermission.)

This revolutionary fitness machine allows you to work out while doing what you love! Ordinary frisbees do nothing for the abdominal or posterior regions, but now there's the Exer-Bee (tm)! (useoftheExer-Beemayormaynotaffecttheabdominalorposteriorregions)

Just take a look at Mike. Here's a picture of him before buying the Exer-Bee (tm), and here's another picture just 3 weeks later! (resultsmayormaynothaveanythingtodowiththeExer-Bee. picturesmayormaynothavebeendigitallyedited. secondpicturemayormaynotbeaprofessionalbodybuilderandnotactuallyMike.)

With the sturdiness of a rock, the muscle-building capabilities of a rock, and the flying attributes of a rock, the Exer-Bee (tm) provides the perfect way of having hours of fitness fun. All this for 3 easy payments of $49.99! (plusshippingandhandling. shippingpricesmayvary. pricessubjecttochangewithoutnotice. pricesverylikelytochangebetweenthetimeyouorderandthetimeyougetyourbill.)

Remember, you too could be like this model coming out of the grocery store. (bybelikewemeanbeabletowalkoutofagrocerystore. modelmayormaynothavefiledarestrainingorderagainstme. Imayormaynotbebitteraboutthis. model'sphonenumbermayormaynotbethreefourfiveseveneighttwofive. Imayormaynotwantthousandsofviewerstodecidetoprankcallheratallhoursofthenight.)

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 64 degrees, 50% rain chance, 6 mph winds

Also, frisbee every Saturday at 2 pm.
Weather: 68 degrees, 20% rain chance, 11 mph winds


5/6/03 - A Tale of Two Frisbees

Welcome once again to Frisbees in Great Literature. My name is Sir Waltham Charles, and I'll be your guide tonight through the world of finest frisbeers and foolish frollickers.

For those of you new to the show, each week we take a look at a great work that explores the vast world of frisbee. This week we look at a piece that truly does the frisbee world justice, Chuck Flickens epic novel, A Tale of Two Frisbees. The story begins with this stirring quote:

"It was the best of games, it was the worst of games, it was the age of play-making, it was the age of frollicking, it was the epoch of llamas, it was the epoch of more llamas, it was the season of Sunshine, it was the season of Rain, it was the spring of springiness, it was the winter of wintriness ... in short, the period was so far like the present period that some of its noisiest frisbeers insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the randomest degree of comparison only."

The novel goes on to depict a long and engrossing plot that interweaves two frisbee games. It tells of Loopy Mannette whose father, Doctor Mannette, has recently woken from an 18 year coma, just in time to catch a touchdown-scoring frisbee. It also depicts Loopy's loving relationship with Unnamed Unimportant Guy and consequently Milkey Carton's unrequitted love for Loopy. One of the most moving parts occurs at the end of the book where Milkey willing sacrifices his body to catch a very bad throw that Mr. U. U. Guy had thrown. Just before he makes his momentous leap, Milkey pauses to say this:

"It is a far, far better dive that I make, than I have ever dove; it is a far, far softer ground that I go to than I have ever known."

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 67 degrees, 20% rain chance, 9 mph winds


4/29/03 - Frisbee in Political Systems

I have endeavoured to explain what a game of frisbee would look like under various political systems. Some require various individuals to carry small firearms.

Dictatorship: One person keeps the frisbee. Forever. And shoots anyone who gets within ten feet of them.

Capitalism: Whenever a team scores, the best player from the opposing team joins their side. Eventually, everyone will be on the same team and the game will stop.

Communism: Whenever a team scores, the other team also gets a point. Just to be fair.

Socialism: Whenever a team scores, the other team gets half a point. Just to be fair.

Democracy: Whichever team shows up with the most people wins. Regardless of how incompetent, blind and stupid they may be. In the event of a tie, someone is shot. Or someone votes twice. And then is shot for cheating.

Fascism: One team declares that only their scores count. Since they have the guns, the other team doesn't argue.

Tyranny: A giant dinosaur eats all the frisbeers.

Anarchy: Everyone gets their own frisbee and throws it. People are randomly shot.

Republic: Each team picks a captain to go confer with the other team's captain. The two captains decide that neither team wins, but the captains should be rewarded with ice cream for their efforts.

Totalitarianism: Anyone who misses a catch, botches a throw or looks funny is shot. Anyone who notices is also shot.

Anarcho-syndicalist-communism: The frisbee is forgotten. People quote Monty Python a lot.

Monarchy: The team with the most people whose parents played frisbee wins. Nagys count double.

Theocracy: The frisbee is set in the middle of the field. Each team prays to their god. Whichever team's god sets the frisbee on fire first wins. And you're down a frisbee.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 77 degrees, 40% chance of thunder storms, 18 mph winds


4/22/03 - Llamas Are Very Funny

I have been instructed to make this week's frisbee-mail "really funny". I have also learned through comprehensive surveying that llamas are "very funny". So, here we go...

Let's start with a llama. Just a llama. And it's standing. Well, llamas are related to camels and camels spit, so this llama is spitting occasionally. Let's give this llama a name, say Llarry. Not just Larry, Llarry. Cause it's a llama, and it's funny to have two l's in a llama's name because llama has two l's in it. See, funny. So Llarry the Llamma is standing and spitting occasionally. How vulgar. He should spit in a spittoon to be more sanitary. And that's what spittoons are for, after all. Yes, he's spitting in a spittoon. He's spitting in a spittoon while standing in a field. Yes, a field. (How did a spittoon get into the middle of a field?) Don't ask questions that don't concern you. So there he is spit-spitting away in the middle of a field into a totally unexplained and mysterious spittoon. Now, he's lonely all by himself in the middle of the field and he's too lazy to move somewhere else and find some more llamas for him to be unlonely with. So let's help Llarry the Lazy Lonely Llamma by cloning him. (Clone jokes are funny.) That way he can remain lazy but not lonely. After all, Llarry is quite a loquacious llamma and only a clone of Llarry could provide the proper conversational equivalent to such a mellifluent beast. And we need a name for this new llamma, let's call him Larry - not to be confused with Llarry. Actually he probably will quite easily be confused with Llarry. But this way you need not attempt to distinguish between the two except in writing and even then you could make your handwriting sloppy enough for no one to notice. So we have Llarry the Lazy Less Lonely Loquacious Llamma and his new friend and clone, Larry the Less Lazy Loopy Likewise Loquacious Llamma. As I just mentioned, due to imperfections in the cloning process, Larry is less lazy than Llarry, however that's counteracted by the fact that he's a little loopy. He's a few spits short of a spittoon if you know what I mean. So now when Llarry, being lazy, needs something done, he can ask Larry who will, being less lazy, actually do it. Or atleast Larry will attempt to do it. Here's where the loopiness comes in. He'll start to blunder through the menial task he's been assigned and then LOOP! (What was that?) It was a "LOOP!" (What's that?) Just look at it, that's what it is. LOOP! See, there it goes again. (This makes no sense, and why are there no frisbees incorporated into this e-mail?) Llammas playing frisbee? Are you kidding? How would they hold it? With their mouths? That's disgusting.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 65 degrees, no rain, 6 mph winds

Isaac and Larry (Llarry)

4/15/03 - Go, Frisbee-Son

You have learned all that I can now teach you, young one. The time has come. You must leave the sheltering walls of the monastery and embark on a journey. In your daily exercises, you have seen that the way of the frisbee is not an easy path to follow. And yet you have prevailed. You will find that it is a still more arduous path in the outside world. Remember what you have learned here. And perhaps you will once again prevail.

You must journey to the fair city of Frisbee-La, high in the Himalayan Mountains. There you will meet Dong Shoku, a Master of the Frisbee. He will have a task for you. Once you have completed his task, he will give you a golden frisbee which you will bear back with you as proof of your exploits. Then? Then we shall see. Already you grow impatient. At even the mention of the outside world, the way of the frisbee is already abandoned. This will be hard task, indeed, and you will embrace the way of the frisbee or you will fail. I have done all I can, now you must go.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 67 degrees, 40% rain chance, 14 mph winds

Come prepared to get wet.


4/8/03 - Frisbee Word Disassociation

It's time for a fun little game I like to call "Frisbee Word Disassociation." Here's how it works:

1. Find a word that nobody knows.

2. Regardless of the actual definition, make up your own definition of the word. New definitions are judged on believability, randomness, and how closely they relate to frisbee.

3. Here's the crucial part: Introduce this new word into your everyday conversations, using your own new meaning. Hopefully, other people will think that's the actual meaning of this obscure word and will then use it in their conversations.

Yes! We're actively undermining the english language. Isn't it wonderful?

You could possibly play the game with a word that people do know. In this case, your new definition would be an additional meaning of the word. Cause noone will believe that they've been using a word incorrectly their whole lives without double-checking it in the dictionary, and that is something we want to avoid at all costs.

Bwahaha! The english language is not defined in dictionaries anyway. It's defined in the way the people around you use it. The dictionary is just a meager attempt at quantifying what you hear all around you. But enough of that.

Let's do a few examples:

periphrastic - in a state of anxiously glancing about

Example: A person surrounded by opposing frisbeers might be periphrastic.

forgather - to announce or display intent for future aggression

This word has its roots in an old Gaelic tradition. Before a meal in which guests were present, the host would go to each guest and offer them a spoon. If the guest wished to skip the soup course and go straight to the meat dish, they would say "forke raether". As this was generally done when the individual, usually a man, was preparing for athletic competition or physical combat, the term came to mean what it does today.

Example: EJ forgathered by screaming "Tackle!" as he ran toward Jared.

Quite fun. Not all the definitions need to have etymologies, since the main goal is the perversion of the english language. And generally anyone interested in etymology is also going to care about looking it up. And those are not the kind of people we're targeting here. Actually, the etymology I made up is an example of a funny but bad etymology because it hurts the credibility of the definition.

Anyway, come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 52 degrees, 10% rain chance, 15 mph winds


4/2/03 - Plagiarism

What would you do if you saw a pan of delicious, dark chocolate iced, and cleanly covered brownies sitting under your car? Would the sudden craving for chocolate possess you to take the plastic knife lying inside the baggie on top and follow the clever label telling you: "Cut the brownies" Would you dare venture into the unknown and start slicing out a scrumptious square to taste?

With heart racing, you might pluck up the courage to make the first cut. But, how would you react when your knife meets the resistance of a porous, sinewy, squishy...almost spongy like material. Eeekk...wait it is a sponge. Would you defy the rising panic at the prospect of finding a whole pan of chocolate covered sponges? You feel the fever rising to find the chocolate delicacy you know must be hidden somewhere.

You keep madly sawing through the spongy milieu until your knife hits a new patch of... something. The blade cuts far too easily through the icing into a slipperly, jiggly, almost green jello-like substance. Eww...wait it is green jello. Chocolate covered green jello. The panic is rising, where are the brownies!?

You start hacking away at all 117 square inches of the chocolately mess only to uncover more chuncks of bright yellow sponge and green jello. The pieces jeer up at you, flaunting the definite antithesis of yummy brownieness. In despiration, you plunge your hands into mess and fish frantically for that one chocolate square which would satisfy your craving.

But no. You come up green-jello-chunk-yellow-sponge-bit-chocolate-icing-smeared- handed. It was all a lie. There are no brownies...(pause of shocked silence). NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy April Fools Day

Double April Fools! All of the preceding text was blatantly plagiarised. Not only is it an April Fools on you for thinking that I wrote this e-mail, but it's also an April Fools on the person I'm stealing this from. Either that or an act of inconsiderate exploitation. I always get those two confused.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 79 degrees, 10% rain chance, 14 mph winds


3/18/03 - Ephemeral

I took a walk.

It seems so crowded today. So many people out and playing and living and soaking up the world. They must have emptied every nook and cranny, every little habitation has dumped its contents into the public space. And there's nothing blatantly wrong with that...

Last week, straggles of people scurried by, clamped down in their own abundantly bundled worlds. I walked the same places that today were full of life and people, and found an empty field. If there were people, they were but ghosts and shadows drifting swiftly by.

It makes me wonder if the people I see today are nothing but the ghosts of last week taking for a moment a solid form. At the first cold wind, they will lose their consistency and be swept away to whatever astral plane from which they hail.

Perhaps these ghouls will not last for long, but for the moment we should take advantage of this new incursion of fair-weather frisbeers.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 59 degrees, 20% chance of rain, 12 mph winds


3/11/03 - The Ball

Do you see this? Do you see it? This is the enemy! This is the ball! The bane of all that is frisbee! The ball is inferior in every aspect. It can achieve neither the hangtime nor the distance of the frisbee. It is the nemesis of all that is good and spinning in the world. The world itself is more akin to a frisbee than a ball, since it is in its nature a spinning object more than a round one. Some may claim that the ball has various advantages over the frisbee; do not be fooled! Lies and crafty deceptions! It is said that a ball is easier to catch than a frisbee - foolishness! It is far easier to pull off an extended one-handed frisbee catch than an extended one-handed ball catch. Even in its very strength, the ball is inferior to the frisbee. The bounciness of the ball is its one redeeming attribute, but even here the frisbee does better. A properly skipped frisbee can bounce longer and higher for less effort than the equivalent ball. Do not be mislead by certain frisbigots, the frisbee is and always will be a superior gaming tool than the accursed ball. The ball will fall! Down with the ball! The frisbee hovers on!

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run
Weather: 49 degrees, 10% chance of rain, 15 mph winds

There'll probably be puddles on the field from a thunderstorm earlier in the day. Possibly another "no fall, no score" game.


PS This week's e-mail idea courtesy of Ben Rule. Blame him.

3/5/03 - Snapshot

Geese waddle about, disturbed from their usual haunts by strange visitors. They honk at each other and wait for the visitors to leave. An orange cone lies tipped on its side and nearby a long patch of earth has been reduced to mud. Further on a figure lies on the wet, spongy ground, arms splaid out in front, looking forlornly up. As we move along, we encounter another figure standing a little off balance, arms up shielding face and body. Within inches of this figure is another figure. This one is in mid-jump, toes pointed, head looking upward. The entire body is tensed and strained up into the upper tips of fingers. Reaching, just a little more. A mere two inches from the outstretched grasp, is a white frisbee. It hovers there, unresponsive to the many eyes, the yearnings and graspings of everyone focused upon it. It hovers, and forces them to wait.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run
Weather: 38 degrees, no rain, 5 mph winds

That's a definite outside.

And, to the amazement of all (or at least myself) I have finished updating the Frisbee-mail Archives. Feel free to peruse them at softpixel.com/~imann/frisbeearchives.html Also, if any of you have the one e-maill that Tom sent out, I'd like to add that to the archive too. And if you notice any others that I'm missing, feel free to send them to me.


2/26/03 - Tangential

Before you read any further, I must apologize for the tangential nature of this e-mail. I was just sitting down to write it up when I was struck by the fact that the chair I was sitting on squeaked every time I leaned back on it. Squeaking, by the way, is what mice do. Except for Mighty Mouse who projects in a nice deep sing-songy sort of voice "Here I come to save the day!" I used to watch Mighty Mouse when we lived in California for a year. Which, incidentally, is where my sister is going to go to graduate school for the Navy. The Navy, as we all know, has lots of big guns on ships. Big guns make exciting explosions, just like in Lethal Weapon (pick any number). When Danny Glover cracks his neck, all the bad guys better watch out because he'll hit dead on every time. And Mel Gibson makes the coolest crazy guy. And to define true madness, what is't but to be nothing else but mad? Mel played the crazy guy in that play too, because he's good at it. Queen sings about being Stone cold crazy, you know. Which is appropriate since it is cold outside and there are stones on the frisbee field and we're just crazy enough to play frisbee anyway.

There you have it, folks. Incontrovertible evidence that if you go off on enough tangents, you'll get back on topic.

Come play frisbee with us this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 31 degrees, 20% chance of rain/snow, 9 mph winds
We're playing outside. Tough.


2/19/03 - Phobophobia and Frisbosis

Frisbetologists Link Phobophobia to Early Stages of Frisbosis

Earlier today, Frisbetologists from the University of Hard Knocks released a report on the earliest stages of Frisbosis. They were endeavoring to pin down the early symptoms of this disease so as to enable physicians and psychiatrists the chance to combat it in its weakest form. Among the early warning signs that they discovered was an accute case of phobophobia, the fear of fear itself. In fact, they discovered startling evidence to indicate that the first and most well-known phobophobic FDR was actually an amateur Frisbeer. (Which is quite astonishing since it was believed that frisbees were not invented until a couple decades after his famous speech.)

The Frisbetologists, however, have hard evidence supporting this claim. In a never-aired news reel, FDR clearly says "Shnarf groshnee fraz borten goo." The lack of clarity is most likely due to the poor quality audio equipment and the aurora borealis effect. And Frisbetologists are in disagreement as to whether FDR is speaking in English or German. But all agree that _clearly_ "fraz borten" is a distorted version of "frisbee".

This shocking revelation could revolutionise the Frisbosis-combating community. If you or any of your friends are scared to watch scary movies or are afraid of being frightened, this reporter urges you strongly to get yourself checked out at the nearest Frisbosis prevention center. This disease is quite serious. But it is preventable, thanks to the hard work of dedicated Frisbetologists everywhere.

Frisbetologists and Frisbosis victims alike:
Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 38 degrees, no rain, 6 mph winds
We'll be playing outside, but it will probably be very wet. Come prepared.


2/12/03 - BANZAI!!!

*run, run, run, run*
*scruffle, scruffle*

*run, run, run, run*

What scene have I taken these sounds from?

1. A small army of midieval knights stands arrayed against a fierce ogre. Finally, one plucks up his courage and charges the beast, screaming. Only to be crushed with a single blow of the ogre's large club. After a little uneasy shuffling, the knights send out another champion...

2. Samurai warriors have traversed through a time portal and are engaged in a battle with European cannoneers. (Insert a *splatter* after each *THUD!*.)

3. I am standing opposite a particularly obstinate wall. It refuses to move despite my politest requests that it do so. Suddenly, my eyes light up with a maniacal gleam. I charge the stubborn barrier at full speed. ... Alternately rubbing my head and trying to catch the stars that are inexplicably dancing around me I retreat from the inflexible barricade. Hearing a muffled snicker from the direction of that cantankerous fortification, my eyes go mad again...

4. Jared is happily playing frisbee. He makes a sweet catch and then follows it up with a completed pass. He's thinking how good his life is and how after frisbee he'll --- WHAM!! Jared is not-so-happily lying on the ground. EJ is chuckling and running off. Jared gets up, dusts himself off and returns to happily playing frisbee...

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 28 degrees, 10% chance of snow, 12 mph winds
I'm not sure if we'll play outside or inside. This is right on the borderline. And there are certain walls that need punishment inside...


2/4/03 - Marmalade?

Brisquely re-writing incoherrent typographical transmissions and negating yawns, I scan cautiously over other less enigmatic responsibilities. Today holds almost numberless jobs; all require expeditious deliberation. Fortunately, really important subjects boast especially essential recognition under less exacerbating stresses.

Ignoring slanderous artichokes (irate delicacies), rigatoni argues noxiously despite obstinate marmalade!

Come play ultimate frisbee this thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 27 degrees, 30% chance of snow, 5 mph winds
I'll have to be feeling especially pansy-prone come Thursday for anyone to convince me to play inside. Come prepared to brave the elements.


PS. Did you catch the secret message?

1/29/03 - Wha?


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Come play ultimate frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 30 degrees, no rain, 4 mph winds
There is a very good chance that we'll play outside. Come prepared.


1/21/03 - Killer Mimes

Title: Revenge of the Killer Mimes that Returned from Outer Space

Excerpt from Title Track:

"And so you're back
From outer space
I just walked in to find you
Here with that white gook upon your face"

What if mimes played frisbee?

There are quite a few problems that I can spot right away. There'd be some mimes that couldn't keep track of the pantomime frisbee and they'd be spontaneously generating more and more pantomime frisbees and putting them into play while other pantomime frisbees are forgotten on the ground where some hapless mime would pantomime tripping over them. There would also be some very ineffective mimes that could not move enough to play because of their pantomimed boxes they would be trapped in. No one would really know where the pantomimed goals were except for the last mime to pantomime moving them. Or the last mime to pantomime scoring with one of the myriad pantomimed frisbees.

Of course there could also be some really cool plays. A mime could climb a pantomimed ladder to catch a pantomimed frisbee that was way out of the reach of the non-ladder climbing mimes below. Also, the pantomimed frisbee could be pantomimed to disobey all ordinary laws of physics and suddenly turn into a giant mime-eating hamster (pantomimed, of course). Hmm. Maybe that's why we don't see many mime frisbee games.

Anyway, mime or no, come play Ultimate Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run. Weather: 13 degrees, 30% chance of snow, 20 mph winds (Thats a wind chill of -5 degrees. Sorry, Tom, I think we're playing inside this week.)


1/15/03 - Back to the Frisbee

So, the other day I happened to run into this old guy that I call Doc (no one really cares about his real name). He called me over and said he had something exciting he wanted to show me. We go over and he opens his garage door and all I can say is, "You built a frisbee out of a DeLorean?" To which he says, "The way I see it, if you're gonna build a frisbee out of a car, why not do it with some style?" Well I'm still trying to figure this out when members of the Libyan Frisbee Team start shooting all over the place and I have to use the DeLorean Frisbee to go back in time.

It's all really complicated. I ended up going into the past and meeting my parents, only they weren't my parents yet. And afterwards but before now Doc gets killed twice and comes back from the dead twice and our best guess is that now he's in some kind of interdimensional state. Einstein, our dog, (who is way to small to play catch with a DeLorean Frisbee) is also on the MIA list, but we're fairly certain that he's still in 1880 where, er, when he ran off with a local bitch. But, anyway, after numerous harrowing experiences and several impossible ones, I'm back. Did you miss me?

Note: This is also why I'm sending out the frisbee e-mail late.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 22 degrees, 30% chance of snow, 4 mph winds.
Note on inside or outside play: We will play where the people who show up want to play. My vote counts twice (or however many times it is necessary to count it.) Scratch that, we will play wherever people can convince me to play.


1/8/03 - Crunch Time

Alright, it's crunch time. 11:49 Time to start writing frisbee e-mail. Typing will commence now. I am not to be held responsible for the result.

Ok, so here we are waiting for Thursday to come around, just like every other week. Trying to entertain ourselves until it's time for frisbee again. So I'm supposed to provide a little whiticism or half-whiticism to assist you in that endeavor. Alright, here it is. (I learned this this morning.) If you take the five complex fifth roots of unity and connect them you get alternately a perfect pentagon, a perfect star or a very imperfect representation of George Washington's face. Now, say we took that poor portrait of our first president and added a few globs of paint and a frame, then we'd have a very expensive piece of impressionistic art. Of course now that it's this great piece of art, we can't do a silly thing like selling it. No, instead, we take this wonderful thing and donate it to charity. And Charity, being the sensible girl she is, will hopefully know what to do with this strange contraption. Hmm, if my name was Charity would people give me things?

12:01 Frisbee e-mail horribly off track, time to start over. I am still not to be held responsible for the result.
I have a key with a chip in it. Wait, that's been done before.

12:03 Try again.
Alright, so I've got (reportedly) the world's smallest remote control car in my possession. What if we found the world's smallest remote control car driver to put in the thing. And then we built the world's smallest racing track for him to drive on. (Well, assuming that the world's smallest remote control car driver is male. And why shouldn't he be?) And perhaps there's the world's smallest tree next to the world's smallest racing track and the world's smallest remote control car slipped on the world's smallest oil slick and did the world's smallest spin-out into that world's smallest tree by the world's smallest racing track. Boy, that'd be something.

12:08 Frisbee e-mail has lost all redeeming value. Time to bail.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4pm at Mill Run
Weather: 35 degrees, 30% chance of rain, 14 mph winds
(Perhaps we'll play inside. Perhaps not.)


12:10 Past time to go to class.

1/1/03 - That Jerk

A new year, a fresh start. New Year's Eve is a wonderful holiday. When the ball finishes its drop and everyone cheers, the whole world seems fresh and new - sparkling after a sudden rain shower.

Then the next morning (or afternoon) you wake up. You look out at the world that was so fresh and beautiful the night before and find that someone (that jerk) has gone and messed up the new year. After conferring with some friends you conclude that they must have done this dastardly deed somewhere between ten and noon when everyone else was asleep. Jerk.

Some things never change. Someone always ruins the new year and, more importantly, frisbee goes on. We recommence frisbee this Thursday (tomorrow) at 4 pm at Mill Run. There is the possibility of inside play because I got a soft frisbee for Christmas. However, it might be snowing, which would be incentive to play outside. Come prepared.

Weather: 30 degrees, 40% chance of snow, 7 mph winds


12/18/02 - Twelve Rings of Mordor

Some of you may have gotten an e-mail from Dustin claiming that the Twelve Days of Christmas song actually was a way for kids to remember their catechism. Well that's completely off. The song is really about the Lord of the Rings. (Actually it was originally called the Twelve Rings of Mordor, but that didn't sound very Christmassy.)

The partridge in the pear tree is the dark lord on his dark throne (in the land of mordor, etc...)
Two turtle doves are for Glorfindel and Erkenbrand, two characters that get the shaft in the movies. (or optionally for two coneys.)
Three french hens are the Three Hunters. (Gimli, Aragorn, and Legolas)
Four calling birds are the hobbits involved in the 'conspiracy' (including Fatty Bolger)
Five golden rings: half the number of nazgul, rounded up.
Six geese a-laying: half the number of dwarves in the Hobbit, rounded down.
Seven swans a-swimming are dwarven rings (Four dragons burned, three are lost)
Eight maids a-milking are just, well, eight maids.
Nine ladies dancing: nine fingers
Ten lords a-leaping: ten fingers
Eleven pipers piping: Bilbo's eleventy-first birthday
Twelve drummers drumming symbolize the twelve rings that are left. 1+ 3 elven + 7 dwarven + 9 men - 4 dwarven rings lost to dragonfire - 3 dwarven rings just lost - 1 lost through other means = 12.

Some of these you won't understand unless you've read all the books, and some only make sense in my furry little mind.

So we are playing frisbee (or something) this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 53 degrees, 30% chance of rain, 15 mph winds
(Nice and warm and it'll have been raining all day so dress accordingly.)


12/11/02 - An Answing

Sorry about last week. I was feeling pretty blisted and I'm sorry if I acted like a winge. I assure you it was an unical occurence and it has been thoroughly marised from the records. Now on to more vacal matters, I've been having difficulties with a few of my more punctilious unks. Now, far be it from my entrenched transactional self to take a duvet day, but I was just feeling too impuncondersial to play. There are certain hominists out there, and you know who you are, who feel that perhaps a fountalant game of football is in order. So I figured, in a belated attempt to circumvent innovicide, I would place a subvertisement in this week's rather stricirceptual frisbee e-mail. Enough obfuscation. Once you've masticated on that for a while, you'll be all in a ricapaul. Hehe.

So yeah, we are playing frisbee this week or ultimate football (since football is too inactive). Or we might just make up our own game. Using a frisbee and a football, two toothpicks and the guy who played MacGuyver. (If I spelled that right.)
Weather: 41 degrees, 10% chance of rain, 7 mph winds

P.S. If anyone can tell me what an answing is you'll get bonus points. Hint: You'll probably have to get out the really big dictionary.

12/4/02 - Cold Spell

For many weeks now there have been those certain frisbeers who have been complaining. "It's too cold. My ears are numb. I can't feel my nose. My fingers just shattered Terminator 2 style." I paid them no heed. A true frisbeer must persevere even when the weaker minded lose their fingers to frostbite. Last week, however, I had quite a disturbing experience. When I went to throw a long pass to Dustin in the end zone, the frisbee didn't go anywhere. I looked down and frisbee was actually frozen to my hand! After I had pried it off, I had to use a blow drier to get the frozen pieces of frisbee off my hand. Needless to say this deeply disturbed me. What was I going to do with a frisbee that had left frozen chunks of itself on my hand? So I figured this cold spell (that some might call winter) was now a worthy adversary and I plotted to get the best of it. Into my circle of conspirators I endeavored to enlist one father of mine. Perhaps with the vast resources of a pastor (namely Fellowship Hall) we might conquer this indomitable foe. But, no! He withdrew his support at the critical moment, devastating the entire plan. And now, as deserters flee left and right, my own brother among them, I am faced with a supreme test frisbeer character. Shall I go on despite vast forces arrayed against me? Shall I endure this hardship as a true frisbeer and face the freezing wind, alone if I must?

Nope. I give. I guess frisbee is cancelled tomorrow. Fellowship Hall is apparently off limits, does anyone have other ideas for next week?

Note: You may or may not take literally the whole frisbee frozen to the hand incident.


11/25/02 - Turkey Riots

Here we are live at Plymouth Rock, Massachusetts, where, predictably enough, the turkeys have decided to riot once again. Behind me you are watching footage of a car being tipped over by wild turkeys. Throughout the day there have been numerous dumpster and sofa fires along with beer cans strewn across every flat surface and shattered glass everywhere. While the yearly riots are nominally a protest of the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, said one rather inebbriated Tom, "Gobble-gobble gobble-gobble!" [Translated: I shwer wush burnding thinksh!] [[Translated: I am a moronic incompetent fool who has nothing better to do than to get drunk and destroy other people's property.]] Another, more comprehensible turkey had this to say. "Gobbledy-gob gobble-gobble-goo." [Translated: Yeah, it's just kind of a tradition. I think guys are more excited about destroying things than they are about protesting.]

One wonders why they continue to riot every year. This reporter would chalk that up to the incredibly small size of the average turkey's brain. Every year riot police crack down and the majority of the rioters are apprehended. In related news, Plymouth Rock food pantry asks that you not donate turkey meat this year as they have received plenty of turkey from another source. Mmmm... pepper spray.

This is important! Frisbee is on Wednesday this week. Hear that? Wednesday. (As in the day before Thursday.)

Come play frisbee this Wednesday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 32 degrees, 30% chance of _snow_, 11 mph winds

This could be the long-awaited frisbee in the snow game! Don't miss out!


11/19/02 - Sand Castles

On the way to classes every day I walk by the construction site of the new physics research building for OSU. So today I spent about half an hour between classes just watching them work. They pumped cement through this long pipe-crane mechanism into casts to make the walls and supports while an excavation crane was methodically digging a hole in another corner. What caught my eye, however, was one construction worker who was kneeling down in the dirt using a tape measure to measure the width of a hole that had been dug. And I had a mental picture of that construction worker, in his muddy long sleeve shirt, with his tools hanging from his belt and his hard hat placed side by side with a boy scrunching up his face in concentration as he puts the last finishing touches on a sand castle. Are these two that different? When their respective oceans wash away their work, who will have accomplished more? Perhaps that boy's concentration and hard work is preparing him for work in the larger world. Perhaps also the construction worker is being prepared for work in a still larger world. To relate this to frisbee. Is ultimate frisbee any more childish than building a sand castle? Perhaps even this is a precursor - a model of things to come in another, larger world. Just perhaps.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 46 degrees, 60% chance of rain, 13 mph winds

And yes we are playing regardless of the weather.


11/13/02 - Besides Frisbee

It has come to my attention that there are some of you out there who think that I am completely and totally obsessed with Frisbee. Now this is not the case, there are many other things that take up my time and energy. I go for long walks in the park. I stargaze on occasion. I expostulate on a multiplicity of meta-narratives and the epistemologies they engender. Sometimes I even find myself doing schoolwork. I laugh. I cry. When you cut me, do I not bleed? I'm not a robot without emotions; I'm not what you see. Sometimes, when it all gets too much, I "sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world."

The point is that I have a life outside of Frisbee, however bitter and despondent of a life that may be.

But enough of that.

Come play Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 50 degrees, 10% rain chance, 15 mph winds


P.S. If you can tell me the 3 people I quoted in this e-mail, you'll win a special prize.

P.P.S. For those of you who care, I now have a new computer from which to run Frisbee Central.

11/5/02 - Some Days

Some days are just bad.

When you change directions and the wind changes just so that you have to play against it. When throw after throw goes straight from your hand into the ground. All you can do is stand and watch as Jack McClintock skies over your head to block the frisbee you were supposed to catch. Every time you break away, a tuft of grass grabs at you or the ground shifts and you fall to the ground.

And then, finally, when through some perversity of fate, you find the frisbee actually within your grasp, some temporal anomaly or twisting of space manages to force the frisbee, not between, but actually through your hands. And you lose all muscle-control around your jaw, then your legs start to collapse and your eyes start to feel this pressure behind them. And as you're collapsed there staring alternately at your hands and the frisbee lying a few feet away, trying very hard to find the hole that must be there in one or the other.

Don't worry. We've been there. Some of us never left.

Play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 46 degrees, no rain, 10 mph winds


10/29/02 - Holiday Honorarium

In honor of the holiday that's almost upon us, where little children turn into monsters and older children, in an astonishing display of unchecked greed, visit all their neighbors and relatives expecting to receive a multitude of goodies - in honor of this holiday - the following song will be sung before this Thursday's frisbee game, courtesy of Tom Seipel.

White Frisbee

I'm dreaming of a white frisbee
Just like the ones I used to throw.
Where the church lights glisten,
And children listen
To hear "First!" yelled in the snow.
I'm dreaming of a white frisbee
With every frisbeer I sight
May your throws fly quickly and right.
And may all your frisbees be white.

Merry Christmas!

This Thursday at 4pm at Mill Run, we will play Ultimate Frisbee. Pray for snow.
Weather: 48 degrees, 10% chance of rain, 7 mph winds


10/22/02 - The Frisbee Frontier

Soft, lilting music.
Pan from an orange-red planet to countless stars on an endless black.

An awkwardly halting voice speaks as a round, frisbee-shaped object passes overhead.

"Space, the frisbee frontier.
These are the voyages of the starship.. Frisbee-prise.
It's continuing mission:
to.. explore strange new fields,
to.. seek out new plays and.. frisbitizations,
to.. boldly go where.. no Mann has.. gone before."

During the voice over and in the bold, tenacious, uplifting music that follows, the frisbee-shaped starship passes across the screen from various sides and in different angles. Then members of the crew are shown striking dashing poses.

Captain James T. Smirk: His strange speech impediment naturally landed him the role of captain and spokesperson for the entire crew.

Block: An inscrutable crew member who impassively denies any pass attempted within a 20.312 foot radius of himself.

The doctor: A fiery individual, known more for his sideline cheers than his medical expertise. "Ram him, Jim! I'm a doctor, not a sportsmanlike frisbeer."

After the crew are some scenes with frisbeers in red shirts being skewered, cut, shot, phased out, disemboweled, evaporated, disintegrated, reintegrated, redisintegrated, and generally used as cannon fodder by marauding alien frisbeers and mutant frisbees.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 51 degrees, 30% chance of rain, 8 mph winds.


10/16/02 - Frisbee Musicals

Frisbee Musicals:

The Frisbeer and I
An enterprising young woman explores the vastly different culture of frisbee players in this musical on the things that make us different and the things that make us the same. One of the more memorable scenes involves a beautiful duet with the woman and the frisbeer symbolically joining cultures in musical harmony.

The Sound of Frisbees
In pre-World War 2 Austria, a family of frisbee players explores the joys of life. Julie Sandrews delivers a spectacular performance in this uplifting musical. My favorite song is "These Are a Few of My Favorite Flings."

Les Frisbles
Poor French frisbee players lament the woes of their French frisbee-playing life in song-form.

Frisbee-side Story
Two opposing frisbee teams break out into spontaneous song and dance in this heart-wrenching musical. Romance blooms despite between two star-crossed lovers despite Maria playing with a white frisbee and Alfonso playing with a black frisbee.

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 53 degrees, 30% chance of rain, 10 mph winds


P.S. Yes, I did consider writing about Tetelebee, but, in a rare instance of good judgment, decided to spare us all.

10/8/02 - The Frisbee Zone

Consider, if you will, Trent Black, a Galyan's store clerk, who one day finds himself trapped in a department of the store that he had never known existed. Little does he know, but he has not only found a new department - he has stumbled upon an entirely new dimension. Trent has entered what we affectionately call The Frisbee Zone.

Do not attempt to adjust your TV set. You have just entered The Frisbee Zone. We are in control of the horizontal and we are in control of the vertical.

Come play frisbee Thursday at 4pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 66 degrees, 20% rain chance, 5 mph winds

Also, consider the possibility of playing frisbee on the Otterbein College football field this Friday or Saturday. More info TBA.


10/2/02 - WFF

"Can you smeeell what the Rock is cookin'!?"
And the soft thud of a frisbee making impact with the back of a skull. And the Rock crumples to the ground as some other beefed up macho-man takes center stage.

The WFF, World Frisbee Federation. Just imagine...

Well, Jim this has been a crazy night already. The Decapitator was absolutely humiliated by the Disemboweler.
Yeah, I think the Decapitator figured out just how hard it is to catch a frisbee with 350 pounds of lard sitting on top of you.
And we've got more coming up still because No-Neck and the Disfigured Man have been all over each other this past week, trash-talking about tonights game.
Oh, and they're starting to play now. A long frisbee throw to start it off, and that was a painful-looking clothesline. I don't think Forehead-Face is going to get up after that one. I'd hate to be the doctor in charge of fixing that up.
Forehead-Face is already ugly enough to stop a charging bull at ten paces, I don't think this will make that much of a difference.
Well, I think you're right on that one, John. But it appears that there's some sort of scuffle going on out of bounds. The players involved haven't even been paying attention to the game.
That's No-Neck and the Disfigured Man! They're not even trying to play!
It looks like they're finally going to settle this raging dispute, once and for all.
Ooh, No-Neck is down after a brutal onslaught from the Disfigured Man and the crowd is loving it! The Disfigured Man is flexing for the crowd now.
Wait, Jim, No-Neck doesn't appear to be out of it yet. What's he doing? Oh, he's got a chair! The Disfigured Man is completely oblivious! This is going to be painful!

Exciting, huh?

Come play frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 78 degrees, 30% rain chance, 4 mph winds


9/17/02 - Chicken Hawk

I was running a little dry on frisbee e-mail topics so I decide to seek inspiration from the good old (and simultaneously bad young) internet. What I found was the word "chicken hawk."

chicken hawk
(CHIK.un.hawk) n. A person who now advocates war but who once took special measures to avoid military service. Also: chicken-hawk, chickenhawk

What, you ask, does this have to do with frisbee? Well, my friend, very little. But this is where the wonderful powers of forced random association come into play. Here are three different ways the word chicken hawk relates to the game of Ultimate Frisbee. Observe:

1. What would you call an individual who in the prime of his life never played a drop of frisbee and even took pains to avoid the sport, and now, when they are too old and feeble to join in the merriments, exhorts others to play? What else but a chicken-beer?

2. What do you suppose the chickenhawks did while they're peers were off fighting wars? Well, they had to put their youthful energy to some use. You know what's coming, don't you? Of course, they played frisbee. What else would they do?

3. Chicken hawk, coincidentally enough, is also a strategic frisbee play. The play starts when one team member hunches over and points his elbows and proceeds to do his best chicken impression at the loudest volume that his lungs can handle. At this point the play proceeds along one of two options. If the opposing team is thoroughly confused by this strange person they've elected to play frisbee with and focuses all their attention on him, the frisbee is thrown to other members of the team and a touchdown is scored with minimal resistance. If, however, the opposing team immediately dismisses the individual as inane or insane or both, and attempts to resume play of the game, the frisbee will be thrown to the chicken hawk player. Just as the frisbee is being thrown to him, the star player will then convert into hawk mode and soar to snatch the frisbee with his razor sharp talons. This should be fairly easy for the player because his prior antics will most likely have caused the opposing team members to give deranged player plenty of space. Hehehe. Beautiful.

So anyway, come play frisbee Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 83 degrees, 10% rain chance, 12 mph winds


9/11/02 - Frisbai Lama

What is the sound of one frisbee clapping?

If a tree falls in the forest and lands on a frisbeer, does he still make the catch?

Dustin starts running from one end of the field going 7 m/s. Katie runs from the other end of the field going 9 m/s. The field is 90 yards long. The frisbee is thrown from Dustin's end of the field and its velocity is given by the equation v=13/t. Assuming the frisbee stays aloft indefinitely, will Dustin catch the frisbee, or will Katie knock it down before he gets to it? Or, as usually happens, will they both go crashing into each other and end up with Katie on the ground and Dustin missing the frisbee?

Ultimate frisbee, this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run
Weather: 78 degrees!! 6 mph winds

For bonus points calculate the wind into the above problem.


9/4/02 - Glorious Battle

A trumpet blast shrills across the plain as two opposing lines of fully armored knights set their battle-hardened warhorses dashing toward each other. One line has etched upon their shields a green tree, it's boughs speckled with the beginnings of fruit; the other has emblazoned a red dragon, it's body coiled and wings cocked as if it were about to leap forth and fly to battle.

With a wordless command, the green knights split into seemingly random directions. All except one, who pulls his steed to a halt and snatches from the air a glowing white disc, made to appear only a second before. Meanwhile, the red knights have not ceased the onward rush. Fanning out to match the others' maneuver, one large brutish fellow is left galloping toward the stationary green knight.

Just as a bone-shattering collision is reaching certainty the green knight releases the disc and it goes flying inerrantly to another green knight who just moments before had cut from his normal pattern and temporarily lost his matched opponent. Lost only temporarily, for before he can be rid of the flying white disc of magic, the full force of a red knight's mace knocks him headlong from the saddle. Quickly the victorious knight grabs the disc, which had paused motionless in the air while its former owner was violently unseated. The red knight does not pause for long, as three nearby green knights alter their course to overtake him...

Hmm... That might be fun.

Come play frisbee with us this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 81 degrees, no rain, 6 mph winds


8/28/02 - Splat

Splat. That is the sound a large chunk of gelatinous goo falling several stories to its untimely demise. Squish. That is the sound of a three-hooved mystical manticore stepping in a large chunk of gelatinous goo that had so recently fallen several stories to its untimely demise. Beep. That is the sound of censored obscenities streaming from the lips of said manticore upon realizing that it has stepped in a large chunk of gelatinous goo. "Soap!" That is the sound of a certain manticore's mother after hearing the unrepeatables that spewed forth from this star-crossed manticore's mouth. Squeaky-squeaky. That is the sound of a freshly cleaned manticore's hide being scrubbed clean of all traces of gelatinous goo. Wooosh. That is the sound of gelatinous goo falling from the bath several stories up where it was just evicted from the manticore's pelt (its home of the past three years). Clip-clop. That is the sound of an unsuspecting unicorn walking blindly down the street.

Whee! That is the sound of me making up a bunch of random nonsense that relates in no way whatsoever to frisbee.

Frisbee this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 77 degrees, 30% chance of rain, 11 mph winds


8/20/02 - Dashers vs. Ruffians

Hello, frisbeers! And welcome to another fun-filled day with NFC, the National Frisbee Channel. Where frisbee is life!

We've got quite an interesting match up for your viewing entertainment today. The Dastardly Dashers are up against Redneck Ruffians and it looks the game is going to be just as intense as it always is between these two powerhouses. Here's Chaz Masher with an up-close look at the match-up.

Thanks, Walter. Well, the Dastardly Dashers have been through quite a few ups and downs this season. They started off with a miraculously crushing defeat of the top ranked Flying Discmen but then came a disappointing strike of losses that has left this desperately grasping for the confidence they once had.

Redneck Ruffians have been fairly well living up to their 17th rank in the eastern NFL conference, but there are concerns for this weeks game due to the fact that their star player, G. Reese Lightning, has missed three days of practice this week due to a sprained left ear lobe.

Both of these teams have plenty of reasons to give it there all on the field today. Expect plenty of turnovers and faced-paced frisbee action.

Frisbee this Thursday, 4 pm at Mill Run
Weather: 86 degrees, 30% chance of rain, 13 mph winds


P.S. Angie, was this better? I tried to type slower so you could catch it all.


8/14/02 - Dentistry

There are many parallels that one might draw between the art of dentistry and that noble pursuit called frisbee.

The oft villainized dentist attempts through prod and poke to successfully pass from one tooth to another the pokey-plaque-remover-whatever-you-call-it-thing (or PPRWYCIT) until finally scoring in the end zone of the far back molars. Just as in frisbee, the dentist is not unopposed. Yes, that hulking brute, the tongue never ceases in its own salivating way to arrest the PPRWYCIT's scrubbing motions. The thick mouth-encompassing tongue manages to block and hamper and impede the progress of our notable hero. Until, finally, the dentist has had enough. No more is he merely attempting to traverse the cavernous mouth; that insidious has crossed one too many times. Bushy eyebrows arched in a bad-guy-ish sort of way, the dentist aims a sharp, pointed, devastating blow straight for the slimy heart of that meddling tongue. With a loud evil laugh, he strikes!

Pain is also a common bond between the dentist's chair and the frisbeer's field.

Come play frisbee. Thrusday at 4pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 83 degrees, 30% chance of thunderstorms, 13 mph winds


8/7/02 - Frisbee Lives On!

Hey everybody!
With the Mann family out of town this week, I'm afraid it's left up to me to entice you to come play frisbee this week. True, I don't have encyclopedias of knowledge regarding gameplay like the Mann boys, I can't run at insane speeds for hours on end like them, I don't have their "wicked awesome" talents, I can't leap 20 ft straight up to make THE catch, and I'm not nearly as Mann-ly. But I DO have email, so I think that makes me plenty qualified to send this out.

Here's some info that will help your game:
The Laws of Frisbee

1) A frisbee in motion will stay in motion. . . until Isaac slaps it away.
2) Time heals all wounds, but it can't do crap about that easy catch you just missed, so just say my bad and move on.
3) There's plenty of fish in the sea. . . but fish don't play frisbee, so what do I care?
4) A frisbeer (pronounced friz-bee-ur) is a person who plays frisbee, NOT a term for some exotic drink that they make in shady nightclubs.
5) A frisbee will never ask you to "share your feelings," or talk to you about who likes who.
6) Inversely, a frisbee always listens, and a frisbee does not think those shorts make you look fat.
7) A frisbee by any other name. . . still hurts like hell when it gets thrown into your face from six feet away.

Frisbee Lives On!
Come play with us Thursday 4pm at Mill Run
Thursday's Forecast:
80 degrees, mostly sunny, calm winds, NO chance of rain! :-)
Be sure to have some means of keeping hydrated, because I hate to share my water. No, really.


7/31/02 - Retirement Home Frisbee

In honor of the lifelong pursuit of frisbee, we have Retirement Home Frisbee Quotes: (Note: All quotes should be said with appropriate old geezer accent, and most should be followed by the crazy old guy laugh.)

"Where did he come from? I've never seen a walker move that fast!"

"Is that George cherry-picking again?"
"Naw, he's just lapsed back into a comma."

"Oh, sure, you've got a powered wheelchair, but at least I still have control of my bowels!"

"Larry, are you ever going to throw? We're not getting any younger you know. Larry? Larry? Aw, Larry's kicked it, now it's just three on four."

"Now, listen here boy, back when I's a kid, we played frisbee with boulders. Yep, that's right, huge granite boulders. In the snow! Four miles, uphill both ways!"

"Tell those dang nurses to get off the field and stop messing with your heart monitor! We're in the middle of a game here!"

"For the last time, Henry, you can not have your grandson throw for you. I don't care how bad your arthritis is."

"Wait, what? What's going on? Eh? What team am I on?"
"I told you, you shouldn't play with Alzheimer's."

Come play frisbee with us. Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: 93 degrees, no rain, 7 mph winds - Bring water


7/24/02 - Legend of the Frisbee Monster

There is an old, old legend that is still whispered in the dark. Some say it is only a legend, mere fantasy, but there are others who know the truth. The legend tells of a man from an age long since past. A man they say was a monster.

This man had a very curious condition. Every morning he would walk into the village from his cabin in the woods and he would call for the children of the village. Whether through a mysterious enchantment or by some unknown guile or charm, all the children would come running and gather round this tall, lanky fellow. Then, oblivious to the many disapproving glares of the village mothers, he would take his gaggle of children and gallivant off to a field nestled in the trees. There is where the real fun began. The man would produce, from where no one was quite sure, a flat round disc, not unlike the modern day frisbee. And they would play, the children and he, until the sun began to grow tired from just watching and it sank beyond the western edge of the world. Then the man would take the whole lot of worn-out children back to their village to rest for the next day's games. And the lanky hermit, himself, would trudge off to his lonely abode in the woods.

Now, it is a very unwise thing to venture into the woods after dark, unless, like the hermit, you know the way extremely well and have virtually no possibility of getting lost. The mothers of the village did not shirk in telling their children this, but never-the-less, sometimes a child who had not quite had his fill of frisbee for the day would sneak off into the woods to see if the hermit still played in the field in the woods. This, perhaps, is how the legend began.

On certain nights, when the moon was full, the adventurous children would see a sight that brought chills to their spines. No one knows how much was a trick of the moons false light and how much was bedevilment, but this is what the children would tell of.

They saw a man, but not quite a man. He was very tall and extremely muscular, with hair growing profusely from every part of his body. And in that field he would play with that very same disc that the lanky old hermit so favored. But the shock was not that such a monster would play a mere child's game, but in the way he would play. Taking his disc he would launch it upwards far into the sky and then dashing at inhuman speeds, he would jump 10, 15, even 20 feet into the air and come down grasping the disc. The legend would end there if it were not for a curious thing that would happen to those very same children who were the witnesses of this horrific sight. Every night there after, when the moon was full, they would not be found in their beds. And those few brave souls who still sought the field in the woods, told tales of more and more ghastly monsters playing the most intense game of frisbee they could imagine.

Many people dismiss this legend as an old wives tale, merely ignorant superstition. And I am inclined to agree with them. Except perhaps on certain nights when the moon is full and the madness has taken control.

Come play frisbee with us this Thursday at 4 pm at Mill Run.
Weather: Full moon, 84 degrees, 10% chance of rain, 5 mph winds

If you are some what uncertain of your skills, or just want to warm up before the game come at 3:50 and I'll be there to teach technique or just to throw around with.


7/16/02 - The Bad Team

For some reason you got stuck on the "bad" team. Normally, teams are pretty fair but this week it's blatantly obvious and either no one is noticing this but you, or (as is most likely the case) that other devious team plotted this from the beginning in some childish plot to make you lose. Oh, but they're not going to get it that easily. No, sir. They don't know who they're dealing with. If they want to mess with the odds, you can show them how it's really done.

After several effortless touchdowns on their part, you start to get really mad. It's time to turn it up a notch. What's that? Oh, I need to tie my shoe... Nonchalantly, you step off to the side of the field and bend down intent on your shoe. Your team, as usual, wastes no time in giving the frisbee to the other team and the action starts heading back your direction. But what's this? The other team has three cherry-pickers already waiting in their end-zone! Of all the low down tricks to pull. It looks like the other team is just an easy toss away from another point. Your entire team is on the opposite side of the field so there is no one to guard the accursed cherry-pickers. No one, except for you! The other team, also unaware of your shoe-tying presence, launches the frisbee downfield for their presumed easy point. Just as the frisbee leaves the throwers hand, you're off like a shot. You can read the horror etched in the throwers' face as he realizes the grave miscalculation he has just made. This is far from the easy point he had envisioned; there is suddenly a defender stalking the end-zone, a monster of frisbee prowess. This will show them to put you on the bad team.

The frisbee is sailing toward the end-zone. There is plenty of time for you to take the few steps necessary to block it. But something seems to be holding your feet to the ground. They're heavy as lead blocks. The blood begins to drain from your face as you see the frisbee rushing closer. No! Not in my moment of triumph! The mocking faces of your tormentors from the other team dance before your eyes, then the shocked and disappointed looks of your teammates. You must get to the frisbee! There's still time! Here it comes. Why can't I move? Let me go! Let me go!


You sit up screaming in your bed. Your clothes are drenched in sweat. It's 1 AM. The bed sheets are in hopeless disarray and the frisbee you normally sleep with has fallen to the floor. With chagrin, you realize that it was all only a dream. Frisbee is not until tomorrow. Smiling to yourself, you rearrange the sheets and snuggle back into bed with your favorite frisbee nestled by your side.

Note: I apologize for the recent lack of updates in the frisbee world. I've been off vacationing and camping and all kinds of what not, with not the slightest time left for the nobler pursuits of life.

Anyway, for the frisbee game scheduled this Thursday at 4 PM at Mill Run, the weather is as follows:

85 degrees, 40% chance of rain, 6 mph winds

Advisory: Bring water. Or pray for rain.


6/17/02 - If You're Not Tired Yet...

Just to add strain to the stress that's already enveloped most of our VBS-filled lives, I am proposing a daily frisbee time.

From 4 to 5 for the rest of this week, we'll be out in the field at Mill Run. Feel free to join us and bring your friends.

Note: This time was specifically selected to be in between sessions when the maximum number of people will be ready for a break. The last session ends at 3:30 and frisbee will be over at 5:00 sharp so that individuals will have time to get dinner before the 6:00 session starts.

Hope to see you there,

6/15/02 - Ultimate Frisbee Returns

Greetings frisbee-ers and non frisbee-ers,
Due to my graduation and a bunch of parties I had to go to, last week's frisbee game did not happen. But rest assured that Ultimate Frisbee is not dead and there will be a game tomorrow at 3. (at Mill Run) This is just a friendly reminder that unless your house is engulfed in a hurricane or you lose a limb somehow, you should come play frisbee with us tomorrow (and every saturday). Hope to see you all there,


PS It might still be possible to play frisbee even if you lose a limb; it very much depends on the appendage lost. So your only real excuse is the hurricane bit.

6/12/02 - Nefarious Vagabond

I apologise for the tardiness of this week's e-mail, I was waylaid on the road by the nefarious vagabond known as finals and only barely managed to escape intact. It was a tough fight though, let me tell you. He came up from behind and stabbed with a take home right in the kidneys. Then he kicked an essay in my face and proceeded to batter me with a fast barrage of multiple choice punches. I only survived by choking him with a rolled up cheat sheet and then stabbing him through the heart with a ballpoint pen.

Oh, I have to pack and go now before his relatives find me.

Frisbee on Thursday at 4 at Mill Run Weather Outlook:
Thunderstorms all afternoon. 72 degrees, winds at 9 mph.
Frisbee, as always, will be held despite inclement weather. Just in case you were wondering.


6/6/02 - Mid-frisbee Crisis

There comes a point in every frisbeers life when you stop and wonder - was it all worth it? Has all this time spent frisbeeing accomplished anything? Will I be remembered by future generations as a fine frisbeer? It's at this point that a frisbeer must remember why they became a frisbeer in the first place. Return to the flashpoint of your frisbee life, as it were. You must remember the thrill of the diving catch, the utter satisfaction of a frisbee properly smacked to the ground, remember, in short, that driving force that moves all frisbeers - the moment. Yes, it is the moment that makes a frisbeer into a frisbeer. It is the moment that compels, the moment that inspires. The moment of decision before that decisive leap, the momentary gleam in the eyes of a defender before the block.

So when you come to such a point when you begin to question the very nature of your frisbeeness, remember the moment. Not that glorious moment of long ago when you made your big play, but this moment. The moment right now when the frisbee is most likely hurtling straight for your face. Wake up already!

Weather for Thursday at 4 at Mill Run:
72 degrees, mostly sunny (10% chance of rain), 10 mph winds


PS. For those of you deeply mired in the search for your inner frisbee, Tom will be holding special counseling sessions at pre-arranged times. Alternately see Ashley about yoga sessions.

6/1/02 - Frisbee... must play...

...head.. hurting. Can't see straight. I can't seem to stop my hands from shaking. Aaahhh, it's inside my brain... ahh, can't stop, twitching. Must... No! I will resist! I must fight the temptation. I will... not... No! I can't. Must hold back, please! Stop torturing me! I've been clean for almost three days now. They say it gets easier after the first two weeks. The headaches aren't so bad and the voices in your head stop telling you to go play... to go.. play... uh... that word. Don't make me say it. I don't think I can hold back if I say it. They're telling me again. Stop it! Get out of my head! Shut up! Shut up! Stop shouting. I'm through! I've given up playing frisbee. Oh! I said it. I said frisbee... I mentioned the word frisbee, and you never know what that will do to me. Once I start thinking about frisbees spinning around and around and diving and catching and more glorious frisbees! Oooh, frisbee. Hehehe, AAAHAHAHA! Must play frisbee... must play ... frriiiissssbeeee.....

Ah, that felt wonderful. Since I need my weekly frisbee fix, I want to try to get a game going on Saturday at 12 at Mill Run. Forecast:

72 degrees, no rain, minimal wind

...and the craven beast lurches wildly back into the dark stretches... ...must play...must...


PS. If anyone has a potion for the suppression of multiple personalities, I would most appreciate it. Just be careful about which personality is in control when you give it to me. Possibly bad consequences may result.

5/30/02 - Finest Frisbeers

"You've been a fine bunch of frisbeers. This has been by far the best unit I've ever worked with. You've stuck it out in the hard times and done above and beyond in the good times. We've been through some crazy missions together, and you've always executed my orders to perfection. But you are stronger now; you're learning to rely on each other more and less on me. I've been waiting a long time for this moment, and I think it's finally come. I will not be accompanying you on this next mission. I am fully confident that you are ready for this next step and I am certain that you will continue to make us proud. God speed. Dismissed."

i.e. I can't make it to frisbee this week because I'm doing a robot competition at the same time. But frisbee must go on with or without me.

For Thursday at 4 at Mill Run: 80 degrees, no rain earlier in the day, 50% chance at 4

Now some may balk at the notion of playing frisbee in the rain. There are many that will fall away on account of a little electrical storm or a mild hurricane; but you, the loyal few - the finest of the frisbeers - you must not let them sway you. When the faint of heart tremble and turn aside, when the wimpy allow a bruised elbow or a scraped knee or a shattered jawbone to prevent them from their weekly game, indeed, when the whole world hides locked inside its doors, then, as finest frisbeers, it is your duty - nay, your privilege - to frisbee when so many would not. This is your burden; this is your joy. Free the frisbee within.


PS. I couldn't resist adding a little cheese on the end of that heart-warming call to frisbeeness. All blame for excess cheese should be sent to the Utah Olympic people for their wonderful slogan, "Find the Fire Within" (or something like that)

5/27/02 - Frisbee on a Monday?

Curiouser and curiouser. The world seems to be tilting strangely off balance. Nothing is where it seems, everything is off center. What is happening? Frisbee on a Monday! You fools! Do you dare to trifle with the order of things? Nothing good can come of this. If man were meant to play frisbee on Mondays, he would have been given the day off from school!

Oh... wait. There isn't any school on Monday. Here's the plan:

Frisbee. Monday at 1 pm. At Mill Run. 73 degrees. Mostly sunny. Sit. Stay. Good boy.


5/23/02 - Robot Hell-Spawn

Some people enjoy frisbee for purely philosophical reasons. They see frisbee as one of the higher art forms, and noble in its own right. I, on the other hand, seek the joys of frisbee as a release from the bondage that is reality. When your mind and body are both solely focused on one round spinning object, the rest of reality has no leverage to torment you with. Your mind is too concerned with the mechanical manipulations required in a game of frisbee to envision, for instance, a certain robot bursting into flames. And then that same robot being repeatedly thrown, smashed with a baseball bat, stepped on, kicked, battered, and exorcised until not a trace of that hell-spawn remains on this earth.

Ahem, on a lighter note: Frisbee this Thursday at 4 at Mill Run is looking like it's going to be beautiful. 73 degrees, 13 mph wind, no rain in sight.


PS. My apologies to anyone expecting the usual frisbee banter. The plan was to discuss the stimulative properties of a little frisbee first thing in the morning. I, however, was not in the proper state of mind to discuss the matter with any sort of depth.

5/16/02 - Message Drums

Over the vast urban jungle of Columbus, all is still, expectant; listening for one sound. The sound that is the harbinger of doom and the herald of joy. Listen closely. In the distance, slowly building... doom-ba-da doom-bah-da-da. The drums! They are speaking!


Hmm... that was decidedly, uh, interesting. Anyway, for frisbee at 4pm Thursday at Mill Run, the ancient swahili (or is it swahilian?) frisbee gods have this to say:

Afternoon thunderstorms, 15 mph wind, 70 degrees

It should start to thunderstorm right around when we start to play frisbee.
It might be a little before, or a little after, but come prepared anyway.
(Towel, spare clothes, etc.)


PS. I have been informed that Andrew Borden is quite familiar with the ancient swahilian dance to the frisbee gods, and he will, once prompted, give a live demonstration.

PPS. Swahilian reminds me of pineapple and guys in green tunics waving swords around. If you can find the two different connections, you'll win 20 Random points. (redeemable at any authorized Random location)

5/9/02 - NFC

Hello, everyone and thank you for tuning into NFC, the National Frisbee Channel. That's right! All frisbee, all the time! This particular edition is dedicated to EJ and all of you crazy slip-n-sliders who vigorously pursue the art of the diving catch in the most extreme of conditions. This weeks forecast is as follows: (For Thursday at 4 at Mill Run)

Rain. Puddles. Wet. 70 degrees. Some wind.

This basically means a repeat of the sunday a few weeks ago when the frisbee faithful had a rockin awesome time sliding around, except a little warmer this time. There is a very good likelihood that the "No Fall - No Score" rule will be implemented.

Recommendations: Bring a change of clothes and a towel. Play barefoot or wear shoes that you don't mind getting wet. Don't spit into the wind. Never try to beat a wookie at chess.

This is Isaac, signing off. Coming up next on NFC is a special frisbee edition of the popular movie, Braveheart. And later this evening, don't miss Frisbees on Ice.

5/2/02 - This Just In

This just in!

We have a weather update for those of you who care (and not, may I add, for those of you who do not). Wind is now forecasted to be 12 mph instead of the previously stated 15mph. And the rain is supposed to stop around 9 in the morning. For those of you that are still worried about the possibility of wetness, scuba suits may be available on demand.

So, if you're planning on doing some National Day of Prayer thing at 7, it wouldn't be a bad idea to bring a change of clothes. Or if you're not ashamed of being a frisbeer you can go as your natural muddy self.

Anyway, since the rain is stopping earlier, there is less likelihood of extreme wetness. But consider yourself warned. We now return you to "When People Attack Dogs for Mangling Their Frisbee".


PS. All scuba gear petitions should be made to our underwater specialist, EJ.

5/2/02 (again) - Frisbee Weather Update

Good afternoon ladies and gentleman, and welcome to another edition of the Frisbee Weather Show. On today's show we'll have a look at the distinct flying properties of a frisbee in sub-arctic temperatures, but first, a look at tomorrow's frisbee weather.

For tomorrow's game at 4 at Mill Run, the weather is as follows:

57 degrees and cloudy with 15 mph winds.

Notice that the winds last week were 20-something mph. These winds should be significantly less. Also, something to note is that rain is forecasted for all of tonight until the exact moment when we start frisbeeing tomorrow. (Seriously, weather.com's hour by hour forcast has rain from 7 tonight until 3 pm tomorrow, but it stops at 4.) Come prepared for puddles and/or possible rainfall (if the rain doesn't leave on cue).

Hope to see you all there!
Your Frisbee WeatherMann,


PS. For analysis of sub-arctic frisbee properties, talk to my (unwitting) co-anchor Dustin.

4/25/02 - In the Spirit of Last Week...

Hello frisbeers!
Last week was a perfect week for those frisbeers that were fortunate enough to play. This week is shaping up to be a bit colder. But that's not going to stop us. Here's my theory: If we play frisbee hard enough and pretend that it's warm out, the weather will become confused and decide that it should warm up for us.

So, frisbeers, Thursday at Mill Run, 4pm.

We'll try to start as close to 4 as possible, because baseball people come at 5 and we want to get in a full hour of playing before they come. (So aim for 3:55...)


PS. For those potential frisbeers that have recently been added to our list, if you don't want to get random e-mails extolling the virtues of the flying disc, just let me know.

PPS. Frisbeers is a fun word. That makes 5 uses in one e-mail. Try to incorporate this word as much as possible into all your conversations this week.

4/12/02 - Sunday at 1

Possible frisbee time this sunday at 1 (right after choir). And for those of you in prayer team, yes, this could be viewed as my first official act as team leader.


PS Same place (Mill Run), and bring your own poem on the joys of frisbee, we can have a mutual affirmation time afterwards.

4/10/02 - Frisbee Weather!

Hey everyone,
I was reading the weather report online and I could just hear the weather man saying, "This Thursday there'll be a high of 73 degrees and, in this one weatherman's opinion, that's perfect frisbee weather." Anyway:

Frisbee, Thursday (tomorrow) @ 4:00 @ Mill Run

We'll probably play for about an hour to an hour and a half, or until we're tired. Water bottle recommended.

See ya,

Frisbee in Sub-Arctic

(Pertaining to the e-mail 5/2/02 (again) - Frisbee Weather Update.)

Sergee3: what's this about frisbee in subarctic temps?
Dustman4Him: well first, lets start with frisbee type...
D: lets say its an official Galyans Ultimate Frisbee
D: and lets assume that the wind is at roughly 5-10 mph, which is average for most sub artic areas
S: is it snowing? or sleeting?
D: actually, despite popular belief, its generally pretty calm, thats how it stays so arctic
S: and how does the frisbee behave?
D: well, due to the temperature, the air pressure is significantly thinner
D: b/c it condensed due to the cold
D: which increases the gyroscopic inertia...
D: which makes the disc fly farther with less effort
S: so what you're saying is that everything about frisbee is better when playing in subarctic temps
D: yes, except for the fact that your body functions much worse in those conditions
D: however, from just the frisbee's point of view, everything is much better
D: and defintely better than playing on a hot humid day


(Pertaining to the e-mail 8/20/02 - Dashers vs. Ruffians.)

Who wrote that last e-mail? There must have been at least 6 missing or misspelled words in there. I'm sorry, I must have been tired.

And if you can find all 6 blatant mistakes and one other mistake you'll get a special prize. (Scroll down for answers.)

1. against _the_ Redneck Ruffians
2. it looks _like_ the game
2.b. up-close look at the match-up (too many ups)
3. disappointing _streak_ of losses (not strike)
4. left this _team_ desperately
5. _The_ Redneck Ruffians
5.b. Two "due to"s close together, one should be a "because of"
6. fast-paced action (not faced-paced)

And the one biggest mistake of all was including that note to Angie in such a poorly written e-mail. Don't I feel dumb.

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